What do you think about when you hear the phrase "making love"?
If you are like me you picture a man with a gray ponytail and a slight paunch inviting you to split a bottle of dessert wine with him while he reads you poetry.
Then he takes you to bed and performs serious, eye-contact laden missionary sex that probably ends with him crying onto your face and then clutching you afterwards and saying he's never felt more vulnerable.
In other words, "having sex" is very, very, very, very, very, VERY different than making love.
Having sex (or even better, fucking) is something dirty and naughty and fun. Play is the word that comes to mind. You think satisfaction. You think getting sweaty and getting a dirty.
It's the phrase your mom used when she tried to explain reproduction to you for the very first time.
The only people who can turn the phrase "making love" into something remotely sexy are heavyset old school jazz musicians who smoke too much and wear sunglasses inside.
Keeping all of this in mind, is it any wonder that when I saw this video entitled "How To Make Love To A Chicken" I was fascinated, appalled, and disgusted all in equal measure?
Being but a humble internet pervert, I did as only the best internet perverts do and clicked away.
I invite you to do the same.
What I saw when I clicked on that video haunts me still.
How to make love to a chicken is not bestiality. It is also nowhere near anything I would call "romance".
But it is one of the funniest, darkest, and most weird videos about how to effectively have sex with chicken carcass that I have ever seen.
That makes it sound like I watch these a lot. That is very much not the case. This is the only one I have ever seen.
It's the only one any of us need to see.