The Only Way I’ll Have A Baby Is With This (New) Sperm Donor App

There's a new sperm bank that's making its donors available to potential parents with an app similar to Tinder.

Swipe left to cut his sperm from the list, swipe right to let the sperm bank now that you're interested.

It makes sense. It's not a far cry from how most sperm banks work today. You go in and get a binder to flip through or at the more tech savvy places, you get a login and access to profiles on a website. 

You're still not getting photos, privacy still matters, but now instead of braving the trip to the clinic and proudly demanding that you require top of the line sperm, you can do all that from the safety of your own couch.  

Because we're talking about sperm getting inside a body outside of the whole usual penis in vagina method, some people are pissy about this advancement. Those people are idiots. Sorry, but it's true. 

If you're a woman or a couple or anyone who wants to have a baby and you find yourself dealing with a sperm bank, there's no reason that the entire thing shouldn't be as comfortable as humanly possible.

I didn't even know that this was something I had stance on until now. I guess that's because I'm 33 and in a relationship with a man with whom I can't have children. We're both in working order, but he's polyamorous and he and his live-in girlfriend are trying for a baby. I don't get to have a baby with the dude, at least not any time soon. 

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If I decide to have children it will be later ... and let's face it, I'm two years away from any pregnancy being a geriatric pregnancy. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, just realistic. 

If I stay with my boyfriend forever, that probably means no baby, and if I leave him the odds of finding a guy I like who I can then con into liking me back well enough that he's up for procreation seem pretty slim. 

I mean, I'm awesome. I'm smart about some stuff, and I'm funny, and I'm a good cook. But I'm also chubby and not traditionally good-looking. 

These are all just facts, not me fishing for anything, okay, so let's please not turn that into a thing that I am doing.

I think about myself a year from now, two years from now, five even. I don't imagine that deeply rooted desire for a child to go away. For me, that might mean adoption, it might mean going to a sperm bank, I really don't know.

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But I do know that being able to hold in my hot little hand something that gives me access to all of the potential baby daddies at my disposable would be invaluable.

Imagine making the choice to be a single mom. Because that's what it would be for me, a choice. 

For a control freak like me that's terrifying because not only does it mean going down the road proverbially less traveled, it also means giving up control over so, so, so many things. To one extent or another that's something every parent experiences, but some of them have the good fortune of doing it with a partner. 

If I want to take comfort in the control I feel picking sperm to make a child that's going to be half of me and take up the rest of my life, there is ZERO wrong with that.