6 Advanced Sex Positions That Prove The Kama Sutra Is NO JOKE

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Sex

For all the sexual daredevils out there...

It can be easy to fall into a rut when it comes to your sex life. Things happen, you get used to each other, and used to your routine, and even if you're still having sex regularly, it starts to feel just like any other item you check off your to-do list at the end of the day. 

Trying out new sex positions is a common remedy to treat a case of bedroom malaise. Since 400 BCE couples have turned to the ancient Hindu text the Kama Sutra for new sex positions that could spice up their sex lives and bring them closer together than ever before. 

Some of these modern Kamasutra positions totally do the trick. But others leave ... shall we say ... something to be desired.

There are even some sex positions inspired by the Kama Sutra that seem impossible unless you're an acrobat or possibly a superhero. Try a few of these modern Kamasutra positions at your own risk. They're dangerously hot, trust us. 

1. The Bumper Cars Kamasutra Sex Position

69 Positions

In this carnival-like sex positions you lay away from each other, with him entering from behind. Then you just bump up against each other to your heart's content.

Yes.

Because there's nothing I'd rather do than know my partner was huffing my foot smell as with every thrust I prayed I did not snap off his penis. 

2. The Wheel Barrow Kamasutra sex position

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The key to success with this sex position is to have tremendous upper strength if you are the woman half of this team. Supporting your weight on your hands and in a near handstand, your partner holds your legs and enters you while standing.

This is great until your elbows bend the wrong way with a sickening snap or you kick him in the face giving him a bloody nose. 

3. The Downstroke Kamasurta sex position

69 Positions

In this sex position the woman lays on HER CERVICAL SPINE while the man enters her standing. Yes, the potential for deep penetration is great, but so is the potential for snapping her goddamn neck and realizing you are banging an accidental corpse.

DO NOT WANT. 

4. The Sitting 69 Kamasutra sex position

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It's a regular 69 ... but sitting up. Which means you will have to do a headstand on your fellow's lap. How this position does not lead multiple fatalities daily is a thing beyond this writer's very comprehension. I can hear the bones snapping from here. 

5. The Recliner Kamasutra sex position

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In this sex position your dude pretends he is an actual arm chair, and you mount him as pictured above. It's very hot, sure, if you both have arms with the muscle build of SMALL DEMIGODS.

If you do not this is a position that winds up producing more tears than it does orgasms.

As a general rule: keep your feet away from the face region. 

6. The Dipper Kamasutra sex position

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I like to call this the sex position for a man with something to prove.

As pictured above, the man assumes the dipping position. The woman mounts him, and he thrusts by lowering and lifting his entire body weight (and hers) with his arms alone.

I find it highly suspect that two people have ever tried this and it hasn't ended with someone pooping out their organs. 

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