Turns out we had it ALL wrong.
By Kristyn Filip
When you’re dealing with the aftermath of a breakup, everyone will have an opinion on how to do it “best.”
Your mom will remind you repeatedly that there are “other fish in the sea”, your college roommate will encourage you to “get over your ex by getting under someone else”, and your best friend will show up at your door with all of the supplies necessary for a 48-hour pity party: ice cream, trashy magazines, and a DVD box set of the Sex and the City series.
While your loved ones undoubtedly have your best interests at heart, their actions and advice are most likely prolonging your pain and anguish. (Those assholes, amirite?!)
Scientists are now saying that there is a “right way” to get over a breakup, and as it would turn out, almost all of us have been doing it wrong.
According to Teen Vogue, researchers at the University of Arizona and Northwestern University have determined that the best way to get over a split is to spend a significant period of time reflecting on the relationship — which is pretty much the opposite of what most of us have been doing (ie. hopping into bed with other people, eating copious amounts of junk food, and/or ignoring the whole thing entirely).
The researchers came to this conclusion after conducting a study of 210 young adults, all of whom had recently experienced a breakup. The data showed that participants who discussed their breakups at length over a 9 week period reported lower feelings of loneliness and obsessive thoughts than those who did not.
Researchers say this period of reflection is necessary for “self-concept reorganization,” the process by which a person redefines themselves post-relationship.
So as much as you want to push the whole blasted thing out of your mind or drown your sorrows in a bottle of chardonnay, allowing yourself the time to examine your feelings will help you emotionally accept the breakup and move on from it as quickly as possible.
This article was originally published at The Gloss. Reprinted with permission from the author.