12 Signs Your Man *Definitely* Has A Micropenis

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signs your man has a micropenis
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Sex

Not all good things come in small packages.

Let's be honest: penis size matters. But not for the reasons you're thinking. (Though, obviously, that doesn't hurt. At least not figuratively speaking.)

A man's manhood is something that probably makes him totally insecure. It's the reason why, even if you both know you're lying, a guy gets super-happy if you tell him he's the biggest you've ever had. It gives him that boost of confidence and praise he so earnestly craves from you. And if this adds a little spark to your relationship, then why not throw some manliness compliments his way from time to time?

It's also the reason why penis enlargement ads are some of the most popular spam emails ever, which is something I once had to try explaining to my 94-year-old, otherwise tech-savvy grandpa, who didn't realize he wasn't being specifically targeted for them. (That was a tough conversation I don't wish upon anyone.)

Some guys just have a small penis, and that’s okay. Yeah, it might not be the biggest you’ve ever had or the greatest sex you’ve had, but with the right person that doesn’t matter as much in the end. What matters is that the experience is enjoyable and meaningful on both sides.

But there’s a whole different level of disappointing size: the micropenis. You laugh now, but that will soon fade if you’re ever in a situation in which you actually have to have sex with a guy who has a micropenis.

There are definite signs your man has a micropenis and ways to tell if the guy you’re talking to has this. Maybe none of this matters to you at all, and if that’s the case, props to you; you’re far less superficial than the rest of us.

But if the guy you’ve found yourself infatuated with just happens to be a douche, that’s a different story. A douche with a micropenis is definitely not someone to go after.

As a result of being insecure about the size of their junk, some guys will overcompensate with macho, misogynist and downright douchebag behavior. You know how Napoleon was a short dude? Same idea, just lower down.

To save you an awkward conversation and a disappointing roll in the hay, here are some signs your man has a micropenis. Don't say we didn't warn you.

And guys? If you're offended by any of these, congratulations! You've probably never made a woman happy. Go get a magnifying glass and some therapy.

1. He thinks negging is a good idea.
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2. He throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way.
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3. He talks over you.
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4. He drives WAY too aggressively, even if you're not in a hurry.
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5. He judges your clothes.
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6. He thinks Robin Thicke videos are genuinely romantic.
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7. Every conversation consists of him bragging about everything. Absolutely everything.
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8. He overcompensates.
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9. He can't stop flexing.
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10. He's in a hurry to get laid.
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11. ...But he leaves as soon as he's done.
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12. And the whole time you were just sitting there waiting for it to end.
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