Thinking of being a sexy cop this year? Think again.
Halloween is the best holiday. It's definitely the most fun. There's no family commitment you have to keep, you don't have to go to church. It's just parties, costumes, and candy (and sometimes sexy time). Those three things combine together to make the best party events. (My favorite part is the candy. Sorry, health nuts, but its true. Candy is delicious.)
I also like the costumes, though. They're fun, but they're also informative. You can really learn a lot about people based on their Halloween costumes. You learn how creative they are, what they're interested in, what they want to let people know that they're interested in. You also learn who's lame. Every year, I see people wearing costumes that they think are super awesome and sexy, but they're totally not. Here are 11 costumes that are totally lame and not sexy.
Obviously sexy occupation
If you're dressed as a sexy nurse, then I don't care. Sexy nurses have been around for so long now, they're boring. Find a harder occupation to make sexy. Be the "sexy waste pump valve inspector" and then I'll give you credit.
The Crow was like the Joker of the '90s. People wearing this think they look dark and sexy, but they're really just someone who will never be my friend. That's the saddest sort of person to be.
The too fancy costume
This doesn't trick me either. No, you're not dressed as Don Draper. You just put on a suit, and you think you're better than me. No, I'm better than you because I'm wearing a Spider-man costume and it's Halloween, you suit-wearing jerk.
That doesn't even count as clothes.
I get it, girls want to wear something sexy on Halloween. I understand, and I generally find that to be one of the holiday's best attributes. But whatever you end up wearing should still fit the definition of "being dressed." Some girls just seem like they're wearing underwear, then complain when it's too cold for them at the end of October.
The way too accurate and expensive costume
I was at a party, and some guy there was dressed as a Ghostbuster. He was bragging about how he spent $300 on the proton pack alone. Yes, he was BRAGGING. He thought people should be impressed by that.
That's barely a costume.
Look, if you're not going to have fun and wear a costume, then just don't. Don't think of some way to wear normal clothes slightly differently and think you're going to fool me.
The Dark Knight was a great movie. But every single person who saw it thought of dressing up like the Joker for Halloween. The worst is that people wearing this costume won't have a real conversation with you, they just quote the Joker the whole time.
I don't know where girls got this idea from. When I see an attractive lady, I never think, "Hey, she's pretty, but I'd like to see her as a cat person first."
A national tragedy
Every year, I see a bunch of people trying to prove how edgy they are by wearing a costume based on some horrific news story. I never think these people are edgy, just boring.
(And yes, this Miley Cyrus-Robin Thicke collabo was a national tragedy.)
Halloween's about having fun, not proving to everyone that you've got a great body. This costume is the culmination of not having a personality.
Guys in drag
Ok, we get it. You're dressed as a lady. I'm not talking about actual crossdressers, who are cool. It's just that there's always some dude that thinks it's super funny to wear women's clothing, and no. It's really just overdone at this point.