It's Halloween. The ONE time of year that people really take off their masks. Metaphor. Hmm? No? Well, then you should try taking a literature class. Anyway, this year (again), the look for guys is powerful OR clever and for women it's sexy [insert title of traditionally marginally sexy profession]. Glad that the breadth of human existence manifests itself every October 31st. But there's a good chance you will be invited to either a Halloween party or a bar filled with costumeclad revelers that you would like to see out of their costumes; here's how to start.
NOTE: We're all working under the proviso that pickup lines don't work and are just meant to start a conversation, right? And as always, being good looking and charming really helps. MMMKAY.
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"Son of a… , that could have been embarrassing."
When to use: someone has a unique costume that highlights some physical aspect you don't possess i.e. she's Wonder Woman, he's a big, fat party animal.
"Lil Kim from Moulin Rouge, right?"
When to use: she (or he) is dressed as something incredibly far removed from Moulin Rouge.
"I was going to go as a polar bear but I figured [Insert Your Costume] could break the ice too."
When to use: It's fairly universal.
"I bet you're looking for an outlaw."
When to use: anyone dressed in a "sexy" costume is looking for attention, give her that attention. Also, if he/she is clearly lacking a "partner costume" (Raggedy Anne with no Raggedy Andy, etc), it's nice that someone has your back.
"I'm a doctor and you look like you could use these shots."
When to use: you're attending a boozy affair and the free drink is a classic icebreaking vehicle.
"You must be an offduty UPS worker cuz I keep seeing you checking out my package."
When to use: never. OK, if you're really good looking AND the person seems to have a sense of humor, use at your own risk.
- "I was going to go as a ghost but you'll get to see my sheets later." When to use: see UPS line.
"Will you be my Valentine? I can wait."
When to use: it's kind of adorable, use whenever.
"Let me take off my mask and get a better look at you."
When to use: when you're not wearing a mask, people seem to like self-deprecating.
"Next year let's go as a unicorn, you want front or back?"
When to use: again, you're charming, she has a sense of humor and you want her to know you're a gentleman by offering a choice.
"I know I just met you but I already like you more than Candy Corn."
When to use: literally anytime as Candy Corn is gross.
"It's either you or this costume is giving me a boner."
When to use: Never. Unless you're wearing a skeleton costume and are Ryan Gosling.
"Is that a Great Pumpkin in your pocket or are you excited to see me?"
When to use: Never. Unless you're George Clooney, you're dressed as Charlie Brown and she's a 25-year-old waitress.
Drink responsibly, hook up even more responsibly and if you wear a "clever" costume, use that spare time to feed starving children instead.
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