8 Funny Quotes About Condoms

Using condoms for safe sex is no laughing matter—but these condom quotes are worth a laugh.

By YourTango — Written on Apr 16, 2012

In honor of April being STD Awareness Month, we thought to bring a humorous take to the conversation about condoms. Not to make light of the importance of using them—nothing will ruin your year like an STD, people—but simply to provide some laughs. If we could write love quotes about condoms, we would.

Without further do, funny quotes about condoms from film, TV and pop culture that we scoured the web to find:

"Condoms should be marketed in 3 sizes—jumbo, colossal, and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small." –Barbara Seaman, women's health activist and journalist.

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." –Bob Rubin, comedian and actor

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" –Phyllis Diller, actress and comedienne

"Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom." –Monica (Courteney Cox) to Chandler (Matthew Perry) on Friends, in reference to Ross and Rachel’s daughter, who was conceived during a one-night stand they had after breaking up. (Note: Always be sure to store your condoms in a cool, dry place—do not to use them if they are expired!)

"Drive carefully. And don't forget to fasten your condom! …Seatbelt, I mean seatbelt." –George Banks (Steve Martin), in Father of The Bride, to his daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) as she leaves with her fiance (George Newbern)

"A condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger." –Marla Singer (Helena Bonham-Carter) in Fight Club

"I figure I'm in love with someone when I wear a condom with the other girls, ok?" –Fellow baseball player's (classy) response to Matty (Owen Wilson) in How Do You Know when he asks: how do you know when you are in love?

And the following exchange from The Hangover:
Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis): What is this, a snakeskin?
(Alan holds up a condom)
Stu Price (Ed Helms): Oh, come on!
(Alan throws it on Stu)
Stu Price: Ew!
Phil Wenneck (Bradley Cooper): That's a used condom, Alan.

Got questions about condoms? Check out 5 Things Everyone Should Know About Condoms for a refresher course on how to store them (hint: your wallet is not a good long-term solution, but great in the short-term!), what kind of lubricants are safe to use with them, and more.