As I indicated in my previous blog post, a past married couple, who were sex life coaching clients of mine last winter, told me all about how their relationship of just over twenty years was revitalized (and getting better) due in large part to the talk-teach coaching sessions the wife, Nancy (name changed), had with me.
I was sitting one day going over past client contact info, then contacting some of them, seeing how they were doing. I like to keep in touch here and there to see how my sex life coaching helps or sustains their happiness over time. I texted her after being out of contact since January or February and she wrote back with:
"We're doing great!"
I replied: "Do tell!"
Nancy: "He's totally in love with me."
Eric: "Wow! Email me all about it and how it happened, girl!"
Nancy: "When I get back from our trip. Today is our 23rd year anniversary, by the way."
Eric: "Happy anniversary, you two! What a way to have it!"
A few days later I text back in my excitement because by the time Nancy finished her sessions, I wasn't sure if things were going to improve much for her and Julio. He had feelings of no more attraction to her, no willingness to stay with her while she did selfloving after he had his orgasm either. However, she had made her missteps and mistreatments of him too over the years. I gave them my method for communication about sexual things that I felt suited them best, some ideas to work into the bedroom for more interesting nights, and also to rid both of them of the resentments they had. Nancy had only two sessions with me though, and I didn't see much improvement on Julio's side. However, she stuck to my advice plus a bit of new perspective from cognitive therapy models to keep her mind from careening over into triggered resentments born of the past.
Eric: "So! Tell me all about it! You back home now?"
Nancy: "We get back Fri. The secret is love, but both people must have the ability and willingness to be nourishing to each other. Our sex is better than ever."
Eric: Can we do a phone convo on Fri or later in the week? I'd love to hear more."
Nancy: We can talk on Saturday. You were right about the resentments and how to deal with them."
I text on Sat and ask for when she's available for our talk.
Nancy: "Between 1 and 4 EST, and Julio (name changed) will be working from home so maybe he'd like to talk to you also."
Eric: "Okay, great! Let's do 1:30pm my time."
Nancy agreed. The convo day came and I listened as Nancy described how, in a nutshell, my coaching on how to help shift a sexually reluctant partner into an exciting one worked for them. She did her part, but the key to it was persistence with the method. Not giving up and not expecting it to happen overnight. Every time Julio balked, she took things sweetly and with warmth. She pushed frustration out of her head and kept it coming. That was the cognitive behavior part of it. Thankfully, Julio was down deep, a man who could be transitioned away from withholding and anger.
Julio started staying with her while she selfloved some more after he'd finished his sexual romp with her, which is a form of intimacy deeper for most of us than a peck on the cheek and a little snuggling. Now, he comes up behind her and takes her bum or breasts in his hands from behind, then, whispers hot and sweet things about what he wants to do to her later. He'd never done that in all the years of their marriage. It also helped that I gave them more things to do with sexytime than they'd had before or given them new ways to look at them that are more exciting. Nancy said that gradually over months after their completion of our sex life coaching sessions, they shifted into a couple who at first wanted and then couldn't wait to do erotic or affectionate things for each other. Love-feelings blossomed again and in ways they'd never had in the very beginning.
Now... I can't wait to start a new package of sex life coaching sessions with them at their new place in their marriage. Below is Nancy's comment to this. I love it because it shows how much her sexual interests and firey desires have been pulled up along side of by her husband. The advanced sex skills she mentions she can't wait to practice and get good at, and neither can her husband. That's an important step I see happen with my clients, They change from negative or ignorant positions on sexual pleasure to mutually sophisticated ones. That means, they both are on the same page with wanting amazing sex with the one they love. That's a tremendous combination. Believe me, I know.
I know this is hard to believe, but that is exactly how it happened. I'd had a few phone sessions with Eric, without my husband knowing. The last time was in January I think. It was just a coincidence that he happened to check in with me via texting on the day of our 23rd anniversary.
What helped the most in the beginning was how Eric taught me how to communicate what I needed. That was magic! Once my husband loved me again, he wanted to please me. Now he's gone from wanting sex with me every 3 days to almost every day, and he is in his 50's. He can't keep his hands off me.
The next sessions will include my husband. I really want to have him do the "hot talk" that Eric teaches. I think I could be halfway to climax just with the right talk. I told my husband about a new sex thing this morning, and he got so turned on he had to get in a quickie before work. I think the idea of teasing him is so hot
Enjoy your day everyone!
P.S. I never met Eric. I'm just posting this because he helped me and I am so grateful!!