Be Advised: This article has sections of erotically-written description and word selection. Reader-discretion, blah, blah... you know the rest.
I chose the photo to go with this article based on the smile and contentment the woman in the picture had over her breakfast in a beautiful locale because it's very close to what a woman will feel after and during "sex massage" as I call it. I read on the Zestra-sponsored article here at yourtango that some source claims that women enjoy massages more than they do sex. I believe that. It's a shame, but in this culture, I get it. That inspired me to post how I do and teach my clients to do Sex Massage. No, it's better than what you're thinking.
It's a combination of massage and simultaneous vaginal, anal, or oral penetration. I'm giving a few how-to tips below on this for two reasons: it's an amazing combination of relaxation through touch and a simple, pleasurable erotic happening down below. Second, Kira said: "All massages should be like this... *groan*"
The first time I did it was way back in college in the late 90's.
My girlfriends loved the butt massages I enjoying giving. The butt (and hips) massage is worth a blog post all on its own, but I will say that along with breast-included torso and back massage, it was my first discovery of combining my partner's desire for relaxation after a tough day with a transition into full-on sex with me, or just erotic sensations blended with sweet, caring attention before she went back to studying.
It was, and still is, hot for me to have the opportunity to focus completely on her sexy bum and making it feel good all over with the apricot kernel massage oil I use. The psychological eroticism of getting to feel up and indulge myself in her sexy, gleaming, oiled ass for a good chunk of time is something that I realized I never appreciated during sex. We played a little and then move on. Stuck around and made it last. I'll say it again, gleaming-wet oiled skin and curves is one of the best quality pieces of eye candy for me. I'm talking dark chocolate raspberry truffle quality eye candy.
I love doing that with breasts too. Feeling them swell, get rounder and fuller, heavier from the pleasure I give them. Letting my eyes feast on them and her pretty face, then back down... up and down. Straight guys look at breasts more often I think than any other non-genital part of a woman. Do it all over her body: her stomach, back, thighs, everywhere. It gives you more reasons to revel in physical sex-awe of her. This can all apply to gay couples too of course. Same intention and actions, different-gendered happy recipient.
1. Put your partner on their tummy, straddle the backs of their thighs with their legs together, and commence with the massage oiled rubbings. Naked of course. Both of you. You can't have your pants on because the lucky receiver will want to eventually feel cock grow and brush against their skin. It's a nice reminder of what's coming when they're wet and lubed enough inside.
2. Put a condom on if need be (poly isoprene condoms only for oil-based lubes), lube up that cock or dildo, and glide down inside of her wet pussy or lubed ass. Keep massaging back and bum and hold still, but flexing your PC muscle to make the cock pulse inside. More teasing, I know. Tell them to squeeze on you too. Squeeze in time with each other. It may be a little challenging to stay inside them while still doing a back massage, but I just lean my weight down through my hands along both sides of their spine, but not on it, and go up as far as I can reach, then cress my hands back down. Then up again.
There are times I make it hot too. Sometimes I like roleplaying that I'm a hot masseur who's sensing the attraction and askings my also hot subject if I could touch her somewhere else, or a little longer, and then how she needs a deeper connection to me while I give her a massage. Literally.
3. Now the pump begins. As you glide up your partner's back, arch your spine back and push yourself at the same time with your legs almost out of your partner, to where the glans is in the last third of her vagina or ass, then as you come back up to your starting position, upright with hands on their ass, hands stroking down on the sides like I described above, push back inside their hot and velvet wetness. Over and over again.
I love feeling my lover get syrupy-soaked inside. Love hearing the sucking-gurgling her sex makes as it fills with more of her natural juices. Yes, it is sex, but it's a sloooow teasing sex that makes her concentrate on the little details of the erotic pleasure in her sex mixed with trusted hands on her body - kneading her muscles. It's an amazing combo. It can stop at some point or keep flowing right on to her first orgasm of the evening. She can slide a hand down between her closed thighs to begin clitoral stimulation combined with all the other pleasures. Or a vibrator if she prefers.
One advantage to this position is it's a very naturally orgasmic one for so many women who can come in this position only. These women were once girls who learned to have their first orgasms in bed this way. It's such a common pattern that I first learned from studying sex coaching with Betty. So, just include a partner to the scenario and she's having orgasms during partnersex.
4. When it's time to take it from gentle to fiery, if it goes there of course, you can do more dominant things with your hands. Rubbing them chaotically all over her back and ass, holding her down with your body weight through straight arms and hands placed on her shoulder blades, or like I did with darling Kira most recently, slid my lubed right thumb into her curvy bubble butt, then gripped and held firmly while I clamped my other hand against the back of her neck.
Lean your weight evenly down through both hands, then cockpump her relaxed and loving-it-all vag while she vibes her hard clitoris underneath. I added a little deep-voiced hot talk and she cried out loud and strong with her big orgasm. So did I right after she started hers. Our loud groans sounded so fucking good together - soprano and bass. My cock let loose into the extra thin condom, pushed over the edge by the combination of everything: the luscious tickling strokes inside her on my dick, the image of her hourglass body before me, the sight of that body held down by the ass and neck, know she's loving the dominant control I had over her and our fuck, that gorgeous, woman-voice, climax moaning of hers when her orgasms are especially big, the feeling of my thumb in her warm, curvy ass, her sex smells and barely-there perfume.
5. Relax your grip on her neck .... which I gripped harder while I came in her, and drifted down to her back, my flat stomach and chest against her soft skin. With my thumb still in her ass, I snuggled down on top of her, giving her that body weight pleasure that women love so much that I mentioned in my 4 reasons to love missionary blog post. She felt my heart beating outloud in my chest and listened to the deep, utterly male-sounding breathing in her nearest ear to my mouth. I felt her little ribs rising and falling too. Then kisses as our fire died down. Try it!
Upping the kink factor in your relationship can actually be a great way for those of us who are more vanilla to break out of shells and experiment with something new. It can also be a way of feeling closer to our partner.
"This being said, there may be behaviors that you are just not open to doing and that is OK too," says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a clinical sexologist, marriage and family therapist, author and host. Partners should have enough sensitivity to work you into these behaviors as well as be ok with some hard and fast boundaries. Many people into kink have learned to be very good negotiators sexually as very few people have exactly the same proclivities.
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