I am a sex life coach. Where dating coaches tell you what to do before you enter the bedroom, I strengthen my clients' skills and connection once they're already in bed. Today I'm going to give you a series of basic techniques designed to give your beloved woman the very best in erotic, physical pleasure.
In my experience, the clitoris is the most consistent source of orgasm for the majority of women. There are other ways to bring a woman to orgasm, of course, but this is where I encourage my clients to start.
The clitoris is, unfortunately, the victim of censorship. Mainstream media often has a hard time embracing the word and wants to censor or remove it from their dialogue, which suppresses the discussion about the specific realities of female sexual pleasure. This angers me. I think it should anger you too, but that's a topic for another day. The unfortunate truth is that some people aren't comfortable with words like clitoris, so for the purposes of this post I'll refrain from the use of the word and call it "ringing her bell" after that '70s song, "Ring My Bell," which I hope was referring to precisely what we're talking about.
Step 1: The Preview
One of the hottest ways to begin to ring her bell is to give her a preview of what's in store while she's still fully dressed and you're simply making out. Get her juices flow before engaging her bell skin-to-skin. Her body needs time to get physically aroused, and most often that takes longer than it does for men.
Cup her groin in one hand on the outside of her clothing and place your four fingers on her warmest area. (Knowing where her bell is on her unique body is even better). Now, press your fingers against her in series of slow, even and medium depth pulses. Light pressure is too insignificant. Heavy ones can hurt, but women sometimes prefer this. Keep kissing her while you touch her down there. Combining pleasures is a skill, and an incredible one when done right.
Step 2: Getting Closer...
Unbutton her pants and slide your hand down the front, or slip your hand under her dress, but keep your fingers outside her panties. Now that there's less fabric between your fingers and her, you can alternate pressing and rubbing her bell in a circular motion. If you need an understanding of bell location, reference a good sex self help book, or Wikipedia (NSFW).
Be sweet to her bell. Combine rubbing with pressure, and alternate that with attention to her entire sexual area from bell down, deeper between her thighs and back up to the bell. Ideally, spend enough time to soak her underwear through from your attention, kissing, and whatever your other hand is doing. That builds more desire and arousal in her and will make it easier for her to orgasm from your finale.
A tip on multiple points of sexual stimulation: keep it simple. Start with two and add more when you've built up your sexual skills and can do it smoothly.
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To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
If you're in a relationship, make a date to practice "ringing your partner's bell." Whether or not you have a partner, visualize yourself doing what I've described. Visualizing will help a lot when it's time for the real thing.
Within 7 days I want you to:
If you have a partner, practice together. Ask her if it feels good and see if she knows what would make it better. It's very good for couples to discuss what feels good and what doesn't. By the end of the week you should have a better idea of what her preferences are.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Learn to stay steady. Don't change when it's working, and pay attention to her cues, like flexing her toes or making sexy sounds. Listen, and let her guide you—or take full control if that's what she wants.