A piece of my day for you all, here are two snippets of emails between me and two individual women sex life coaching clients. The first is from "Lilly" and the second is from "Tara" (both names changed). Lily's feedback is about big successes with her manual sex skills for men that I coached her on while Tara's is a longer piece on finding the way to more intense pleasure and orgasm via sex life coaching and also some feedback on what she'd recently created for herself. I jam back and forth with clients to the extent they feel comfortable on their progress with what I teach them. You'll find my thoughts and reflections after each section. Then, look in the comments section below! Tara comments on some of my thoughts.
Thought you would like to know I used your handjob technique and the guy would not stop telling me how amazing it was. Quote: "I am pretty sure that was the best hand job I've ever had!"
One of the things I frequently address with clients is how crucial sexual skills are for better sex. I had another client recently tell me that he was going to take up a basics massage course in his area. I said how good it would be for he and his wife to be in a setting where specific methods are used to make the massage feel as amazing as possible. The same situation applies to a great extent in the best in sex. The things in sex that don't follow this model are without exception made even better by adding sophisticated sexual touch and orgasm knowledge. I have this in my own sex life and so do my clients. People who disbelieve or ignore this are missing out on one of life's biggest combinations for happiness. My way is to make a big starting transformation and then show how to continue that momentum by building and enrichening your sex life over time with your partner.
The next account is from Tara. You'll see how specifically detailed we are able to discuss how her sexual skills are improving and where they still need tweaking. For many of you reading this, it may seem very intimate to be speaking this way with someone you aren't having sex with. However, I find most people are not talking like this to their partners either! That it can be easier to get into the details with a coach figure. It gave Tara some good practice and now she feels more confident speaking this way to new partners. This level of detailed description doesn't happen with every client, but what it shows is the joy it brings people to have someone non-threatening and knowledgeable enough to go into such rich detail. They say things like, "It's so amazing to finally have someone I can talk to about these things and then grow from it and get better!" People want this level of freedom and ease with their partners. People are tired of being in the dark and forced to stay there. Ready for the real thing in sex and I'm so happy to be a source for support of that. Below my thoughts
I always knew the possibility for such pleasure existed, but I had no idea how to tap into what I was feeling... I've felt a strong need for a varied, "higher level" type of self pleasure for a long time, and many years ago I figured out that I was responsible for my own orgasms, especially since my one and only attempt at "hands-on" instruction didn't take me where I knew I could go... far from it, actually.... And where I could go by my own hand, and eventually vibrator, was ohhhh soooo much better, deeper, wetter, hotter orgasmically than I'd every experienced in partner sex, up to this point.... and NOW I know that I was barely scratching the surface.
Ironically, the thought of actually allowing my future partner to watch me masturbate, which I realize will only make things hotter for us both, is such an intimidating thought outside of my fantasies. You asked if I could imagine my man behind me while I stood with clitoris taking my magic wand vibrator. Oh yeah, absolutely no problem there.... But in real life? I suppose it's just the next step after your instruction, but the reality is still intimidating.
I was always looking for different ways to come. I tried a few different standing positions, and today I added a different one... both legs kneeling on the couch, with body remaining basically straight from knees up. I'm enjoying the 1/2 stand so much more now, and I'm not orgasming as fast, so my standing leg became slightly fatigued last night... automatic fix, both legs kneeling on couch today..... Overall, standing brings such a different feeling to the orgasm, almost deeper feeling, but truly it's the constant areola/nipple stim style you taught me along with the clitoral stimulation that REALLY makes that work...along with my fantasy.... which has lead me to a question about hand placement with a partner, which I will write down to discuss in our session this Sunday, among all the things you mentioned!
Lastly, your feedback about you seeing me, "turning into a sexually sophisticated woman pretty quickly" was very powerful, and when I think about it, I know I start smiling... Truly, you've given me the confidence, and more importantly to me, the drive to want to start dating again, NOW! .... and not wait until I lose the rest of the weight.... it's coming off, I'm doing well...... but with this new knowledge, whether the men I date are going to work out or not, I do feel like I'm coming from a different place, with so much more confidence than I've ever known, all because right now, with your expertise and guidance, I'm doing for myself what I've known all along was possible. Thank you, Eric, for being such a dedicated, patient and skillful teacher..... I'll leave you with this final thought.....
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”
Tara also mentions the fear she feels of using a vibrator in front of her partner. That's a phobia I saw a lot of ten years ago. Now, more and more women are ready to try it and say they enjoy in with their partners when before, they would be shamed. Now, here is Tara's comment to this article amd my thoughts:
Pretty powerful to read what I wrote through the eyes of
someone else... I never thought about the level of sexual detail as being too
much with you, at all. In fact, it just came naturally, and I felt that
the more I was able to share, the better you were able to coach. I hope
this was the case.... I think it was! I was laughing a little at how I
was afraid to share my vibrator with a partner... Hasn't happened yet,
but I'm feeling very differently about it all now....
Thank you, Eric!
Both of my clients, Lily and Tara, are now different women from the ones I met during our consultation call and first session. That's the transformation I love helping people create. That and it feels good to provide info and guidance that ceases their pain, boredom, confusion, and lack of sexual satisfaction.