Women always seem to ask me where all the good men are, as if these near-mythical dudes are hiding behind bushes, chained up in some vampire's basement, or are just rare and elusive, like the snow leopard. Normally, I have to resist responding, "Maybe the good guys are just avoiding you." But the answer to this frequent, lovelorn lament is simple: The good men are right under your $#@% nose. And that's the damn truth. The Frisky: 5 Ways Women Try To Impress Men (And Why They Don't Work)
That's right, ladies. The good men you pine for are right there, all up in your grill, listening to your bellyaching, patiently enduring your inability to manage your own flamboyant, capricious romantic expectations and dreary reality. These good guys are co-workers, classmates, and, most importantly, friends. You officially have my permission as a relationship expert with a Ph.D in Broken Hearts from the University of Feelings, Emoburg campus, to make out, push it real good, and fall in love with your male friends. The Frisky: Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: How Do We Avoid The Friend Zone?
I blame your gender, after all, for inventing what this site refers to as "The Friend Zone." It's not a "zone." One loses weight in a "zone," or tells time there. Or learns a dark lesson about human nature during a twist ending. No. "The Friend Zone" is actually a gulag. The Bermuda Triangle. A cruel little exile. Right now, there is a man in your life who feels you in his teeth, but who walks around with an "F" for "Friend" seared onto his forehead by a glowing-red iron you keep perpetually cooking in the furnace of your heart. You cannot think of him "that way." At what point did he go from potential dating material to platonic bestie? Possibly the moment he started remembering your favorite alcoholic drink, instant messaging you about "Mad Men," and listening to you drone on about your thighs, again. Because love is intently listening to someone repeat themselves.
This dude adores you and you are denying yourself potential joy because of some imaginary rule. The heart is a frontier full of peril and plunder, and you should not be afraid to explore what lies beyond hastily built fences. The Frisky: Is A Potential Relationship Worth Jeopardizing A Great Friendship?
I'm not saying men and women can't be friends. We totally can. I won't confirm the famous lesson from "When Harry Met Sally," which remains smug Baby Boomer treacle. I don't want to sleep with all my female friends. I've thought about it, but I don't think that's gender-specific. Just human curiosity. So do it! Hook up with your dude friend. Life is too short to be afraid of ruining a friendship, especially if there's a chance you could be more to one another, like epically cosmic lovers worthy of your own constellation in the night sky. Friendships are as fluid as romances; they can end as suddenly as they can begin. In many ways, they're overrated. You know what's not overrated? Love. It's awesome. The Frisky: MERRIme, A Web Comedy About Online Dating