How Dirty Dancing Ruined My Love Life
Dirty Dancing made her crush on Patrick Swayze and believe too much in fairy-tale romance.
I was 10 years old when my mother took me to the movies to see Dirty Dancing. I, like so many women, fell head over heels in love—with the movie, with the soundtrack, and most definitely with Patrick Swayze. I loved that movie so much that when I couldn't sleep at night I used to recite the movie in my head line by line.
That was the summer of 1963, when everybody called me Baby, and it didn't occur to me to mind. That was before President Kennedy was shot, before the Beatles came, when I couldn't wait to join the Peace Corps, and I thought I'd never find a guy as great as my dad. That was the summer we went to Kellerman's.
When the 20th anniversary of the film rolled around in 2007 it was finally time to admit what I had long known—Dirty Dancing ruined my love life. I'm not sure how one movie could so deeply affect me. Maybe it was because I saw the movie when I was young and impressionable, or maybe it's just that I watched the film so often that my VHS copy actually broke in the VCR. The lessons I learned about love in the summer of 1987 set me up for some massive disappointments later in life. Happily, as a single, thirtysomething woman, I've learned not to believe the romantic myths of my youth.
Movie Myth: The Bad Boy Really Isn't That Bad
It doesn't matter how many articles we read or quizzes we take, women always seem to fall for the bad boy. More often than not they break our hearts, except in Dirty Dancing. In this case, Johnny Castle acts tough because no one has ever really loved him. He's had to fight for everything he has, until Baby trips into his life. She respects him and believes in him, and he pays her back by giving her the best summer of her life. Before the film is over, we find out that he's honest, loyal and a hopeless romantic.
Truth Time: This never happens. Men don't change who they are just to be with you. I know, I know, the film's message was that people are more than outside appearances, and Johnny Castle was never really a bad boy. But this subtlety was lost on my decade-old mind. I thought that I could bring out my bad boy crushes' soft, vulnerable inner self. The truth is, your love can't change him. You know all of this and, thanks to some ex-boyfriends, I know this. Quiz: Do You Fall For Bad Boys?
Movie Myth: You Don't Have To Be Pretty To Get The Guy
Little sister Baby may be smart, but what she really wants is to be pretty like her big sister Lisa. Of course she's surprised that Johnny even notices her—no one ever does. Everyone wants Johnny, but in the end all he wants is Baby. He could have the rich cougar or any of the staff, but he chooses the ugly duckling and his love transforms her into a swan.
Truth Time: Um, have you ever tried online dating? Don't tell me that looks aren't important. I've actually seeing a profile that proudly announced that "If you are a fat chick or wear glasses don't bother leaving a message." It's lovely to think that love is blind, but it rarely works out that way. 8 Reasons Online Dating Is Great
Discussion
I'm sure you have seen that dating site post from the idiot who doesn't want women who are "fat or wear glasses," but were you honestly trying to get that guy's attention, because I'm not! And I've never bought Baby as the ugly duckling in that family. Looks-wise, Lisa and her are on equal planes, the difference was Lisa was obsessed with her looks and Baby didn't care until she felt she had a reason too. And do you think it would have made a better movie or more convincing character if Johnny had picked one of the rich cougars (aka the women he's being pimped out to!) over the girl who actually cares how he feels and doesn't think he's a worthless piece of eye candy?!
And actually the real world presents us with complex people too (generally more often than onscreen) So stop with the pigeon-holing! Dont tell me, and don't tell yourself, that we can't be smart and sexy! And yes, some people just act consistently mean with no impulse to change for anyone, but others do put up a tough front because they're afraid to get hurt or because they're used to getting hurt.
Geez Louise, Dirty Dancing is a movie! It has a good message and it allows us to believe the hot guy falls for the plain girl or that our first time was perfect. If this movie ruined your life, great. Maybe that will help keep people away from your pathetic existence. Ok, that was harsh, but seriously get over it. It's an awesome love story, great music, and does teach some awesome life lessons. And maybe my first wasn't brilliant but I did fall for the misunderstood bad boy who did change for me. And had moments when I stood up to my parents. And I had the time of my life. Dirty Dancing had nothing to do with it cause it's just an awesome movie. But life can imitate art and vice versa.
Personally, I think you blaming your relationship problems and poor love-life on a movie is a little sad, not to mention a complete load of crock. I've dated my share of guys who were a little rough around the edges, but it so turns out that you're wrong about them secretly being nothing more than that. Each relationship I had with these types of men obviously ended (as I am single now) but I know better than to blame it completely on them.
"There is always two sides to every story". "It takes two to tango". These little phrases weren't created for no reason. I bet a good portion of your relationship endings were just as much fueled by you (and perhaps your flaws that you so obviously probably refused to see) as it was fueled by them.
I prefer a guy with a little more umph. 'Nice Guys' tend to be whiney and desperate with low-self-esteem. Not always, but more often than I'm willing to mess with. Some guys are a******s. But there are plenty of said 'a******s' who are just a little more honest than most nice guys, and so they are pegged as jerks. I'm blunt, honest, and I too hide behind my tougher emotional shell. But behind that shell is another person who has plenty of care and love to give. I am the shoulder for many of my friends, but also the one that isn't afraid to stand up for them if I have to grow a pair and get protective.
I grew up watching my parents scream at and abuse eachother, so by your logic, I should be exactly like they were with my relationships... after all, I was at such a young age and so influential... No. Just no. I'm not going to tell you that I've never had a fight with a boyfriend. But I can tell you honestly that I've never resorted to violence or let "Go to hell, and f**k off!" slip from my lips. If anything, I learned from my parents negative behavior rather than let it consume me. You created your own habits. Stop blaming everyone else for your problems.
wow - love this post. beautifully expresses why love is often so painful and complicated, even for adults. we are so conflicted. on the one hand, the emotion center of our brain allows us to believe in fairy tales and hope springs eternal...while the rational, logical brain center knows better but somehow is usually overpowered. amazing that such experiences at a young age do have an impact later in life too.
Dirty Dancing briefly convinced me that I had rhythm. I do not.
Thank God, a woman who can't be doing with Dirty Dancing. A male perspective here;
That is definitely true Lyz! I learned that the hard way! But,for the author,loved this cause it brought back so many memories of when I loved "Dirty Dancing" as a kid,and just like you I had a crush on Patrick,lol! I'm so sad that he passed away. May he rest in peace,and may you not give up on your real life happy ending as I haven't given up on mine. :)
