Women Really Do Like Nice Guys
No matter what a men's website tells you, there will be no sex after an insult.
We're going to meet askmen.com halfway and applaud them for trying to help men understand women. But we're going to dock them all the points they earned for advising men to treat women like garbage. In Relationships, Are You A Thinker Or A Feeler?
We'll explain.
It all begins with an e-mail from an earnest recently divorced guy who says he's having a hard time dating because he's "too nice."
"I have always been the nice guy," he says. "Ready with an honest compliment and holding the door, etc. It’s not an act—it's just how I am."
Wow. What a freak. He gives compliments and opens the door? Congratulations Nice Guy. You sound like a normal person. The Links: Big Girls Need Love & Google Goggles
Anyway, NG laments how hard it is to meet women and suspects his good nature is the culprit. Enter David DeAngelo, the guest columnist and author of Double Your Dating, a series of tutorials aimed at teaching men how to score chicks. Basically, DeAngelo is a less is more kind of a guy. Less compliments, less old school chivalry, less consideration, less of anything nice basically. Numb down your "Inner Wuss" he says, because this repulses women.
DeAngelo responds with:
Trust me on this one. Women don't feel those powerful, magical, gut-level emotions for "nice" guys. It may suck, it may not be "fair" and it may not be "right" or whatever. Get used to it—it's reality."
You can feel him beaming through the keyboard; catching his reflection on the computer screen.
The plot thickens when he gets another response from a guy who's read his tutorials, incorporated his tactics, but now, uh-oh, she calls him "mean."
"You have brought up a really important (and subtle) point about how women behave around men. When you stop chasing after and kissing up to women, you will often hear things like "you're being mean" and "I'm upset, and I don't know why" etc. When you challenge women on this point, you'll find the real reason: Women get upset when they don't have control of a situation...Women aren't trying to turn us into Wusses; on the contrary, they're trying to see if we actually are wusses, and just pretending not to be. Get it? When you realize this subtle distinction, you are well on your way to learning to use The Force."
Discussion
About "old school chivalry", though, I do think it's not so clear that guys would be well-advised to go for that. Some women consider that to be sexist and feel offended to be treated like a fragile little think by their wannabe knight-in-shiny-armor.
Guys should be kind and considerate, but not necessarily adopt the protective, somewhat condescending attitude behind "old school".
people talk about the internet creating false connections, I say that its relationships based on belittling that create false connections. relationships should be affirming, if they're not its just abuse. In fact, this DeAngelo guy sounds like an emotional abuser.-
You have to understand the men that D'Angelo is preaching to. These are not the social confident. We must get a crew of these PUA students at every event. Each one is very obviously a recovering a) nerd b) woman hater 3) wanna be player. To watch them try to hit on women is entertaining, but they never get anywhere with a woman who has decent self-esteem. They prey on the girls who look to men to define them.
The likes of David DeAngelo are basically morons whose concept of relationships consists in serial-picking of chicks in bars or night clubs. They call themselves "players" and dating "The Game". Very telling, indeed...
However, their theories totally work with a specific type of girls full of hot air that a great deal of men find very attractive.
Now I think there are different types of "Nice guys" too. Some guys are nice in a way that's not very masculine and this is definitely a turn-off for most women.
