10 Rules For Texting And Dating
Texting is a great way to stay connected, but it will never replace conversation.
Text messaging isn't necessarily a tool of Satan, but there can be quite a bit of misinterpretation and miscommunication if not used correctly! Texting is a great way to stay connected to someone you are madly in love with, and a convenient tool to touch base with casual or new dating partners. However, texting is not and never will be a replacement for a heart-felt telephone conversation full of whispers and giggles. Here are my top 10 guidelines for successfully combining texting with your relationship.
Use of texting as the primary method of communication is growing in popularity in every age group under 45, so said a study I recently came across. Not in my house though! Texting requires skills and patience that I just don't have. I swear, my kid can text without looking, at a speed of at least 250 words per minute. Friggin' amazing... I don't know why her fingers haven't burst into flames! It's like she and her friends have studied texting at the Bruce Lee Flying Kung Fu Fingers School or something. Too bad texting isn't a job skill we can put on her resume.
What I don't get about texting is why people want to spend three minutes hunting, pecking and struggling to send a text when they could make a 30 second call and be done with it? Texting is generally seen as a nuisance for people over the age of 40. For one thing, most of us have fingers that are NOT bony. Those little tiny buttons on the cell phones are ridiculously small and I get tired of mashing 2 or three letters at the same time. Plus, many of us have to waste time trying to find our reading glasses so we can even SEE the damn keyboard anyway!
So then why is there so much hesitation when it comes to picking up the phone? Has texting become the newest addition to the list of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?"
I believe the growing preference for texting has a lot to do with its impersonal nature. It's much easier to launch a new relationship by exchanging texts than it is to talk. It's also very easy to say and do things over a screen that one would never have the nerve to do face to face (or say ear to ear). That would make things easier I suppose, but it also creates new problems.
A large part of communication is non-verbal. When texting, the other party cannot receive those fine nuances of communication such as tone of voice, held back giggles, excited breathing, or body language that demonstrates anxiety, happiness or growing irritation which indicates maybe you should shut up. Texting it seems, is here to stay, but there needs to be some rules in place. Enter me, with my Super Ms. HeartBeat cape flying, to deliver my 10 Texting Rules For Dating Singles. Poll: Dating By Texting, Are You A Fan?
Discussion
This article was awesome. I completely agree with everything, but I think it could also be applied to IMing. My BF (er, uh, my ex BF I guess) felt it was easier to start problematic conversations over IM. When i refused to participate in said problematic convo, insisting that he call me if he needed to talk about it, he would get upset saying I was being controlling by MAKING him call me.
Bogus. Just like the article says, "Be a big boy or girl" and take control of your communication style and it will cause a lot less drama and stress for both parties involved, otherwise, let me have just have a deep and meaningful conversation with my cat.
I think this was an awesome article. Not only should it apply to texting, but I think it should also apply to IMing. My BF (er, uh, ex now I guess) always HAD to IM and start problematic discussions. And when I refused to IM with about said problematic topic, he would get upset with me and think I was trying to pull a power trip by telling him if he wanted to talk about it to call me.
Bogus. There is no reason to start crap over a text or IM. Like the article says, "Be a big girl or boy" and take responsibility for your communication, otherwise, I am just going to try to have a deep and meaningful conversation with my cat.
Fabulous article. I agree with most, especially #9. Men, if you want to go on a real date, please don't send us a text inviting us for dinner or drinks. Pick up the phone!
very good advice on all these tips... I love it! I might try most of them not all cuz on some i don't agree but the ones i do I will try because it's so true... Then we girls wonder why it's taking so long for the guy to tx back. Well most of them don't like to tx as it is why not grab the damn phone and call. I love the end which says "But one of the top qualities singles seek is a confident partner that goes after what he or she wants. Confident, secure people have an air about them that is very sexy... passive, hesitant, insecure people do not". SO true BRAVO!
Okay, I agree with most of this, but I have personal objections to #5. It can be a lot of fun between two mature, responsible adults...and its wicked great foreplay before you actually even get to see each other! But definitely not for kids or partners with a history of explosive break-ups and a mind set for petty revenge.
Qverb, remember - this article is discussing a basic dating situation where the two people don't know each other well and one of them takes it to a sexual level before the necessary "getting to know you" information has been exchanged. I was not referring to a long-term or committed relationship. Therefore any reference to foreplay would be inappropriate when you haven't even slept with the person yet, and don't know if they even have that INTEREST in you. That is what I am talking about. You took the information out of context.
You would do yourself a favor to remember that anyone, no matter what image they present today, could become a hostile enemy under the right circumstances, even "mature, responsible adults." I'm a marriage counselor, and I spend my days settling disputes and trying to undo the damage done by such acts between people who have been together as long as 43 years so far; the 43-year old marriage ended when the wife was caught in bed, at age 61, with a 29 year old man and her husband, a conservative business owner, deacon in their church, and described by the wife's sister as "the most gentle and loving man she'd ever known" posted on the Internet video of the two having sex, along with his wife's name and cell phone number inviting all young men to come and get some. You never know which straw will break the camel's back.
Again, we are not discussing what married people do when wronged after a zillion years of marriage. I could hardly forget that if it was related to the post, but it isn't. This article is directed solely towards single adults, and refers to interactions when dating, not marriage and adultery.
I fully understand and respect what you are saying and where you are coming from with this. In instances like this my concern would be why did the wife have extra-marital affairs? To me and to my partners who communicate on the same level as I do, that isn't being a responsible partner in a relationship. If there was some level of dissatisfaction in the marriage that caused this after 43 years of marriage then why wasn't something done about it before it came to a head? That is irresponsible, unthinking, and uncaring, and most likely done out of some passive aggressive act to get even with the husband's transgressions, of which he may not have even been aware of.
I actually do thank you for the reminder though as many people will percieve that they are with a perfectly mature partner that they can trust and rely on to not do any harm to them in any way. The underlying truth is that age has never been an accurate indicator of responsibility or maturity, especially where emotional matters are of utmost concern as in relationships. Social and career status are not good indicators either, and, as you have illustrated for us, neither can the longevity of a marriage be an accurate guage.
My desire was to remind people to remember to play with each other, and your play is unique and specific to you and your partner. Sometimes that play flies in the face of conventional wisdom.
