Rabbi's Rx For Sexless Marriage

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's spiritual approach to fixing relationships—specifically those where passion has waned—doesn't only ring true with devoted followers. His first spiritual sex book, Kosher Sex, became an international bestseller and helped secure his place as a national media darling. This year, Boteach released The Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life, which prescribes Kabbalistc and Tantric principles for couples struggling in sexually or emotionally mediocre marriages.

In this excerpt, Boteach tells one couple how using Tantra can help them live in a heightened state. By focusing on the moment without expectation of the end result, sexual passion can be coaxed alive (and sustained!) in a couple. Not your average rabbinical advice, but we'll take Boteach's word for it. He and his wife, Debbie, do have nine children, after all.

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By the time Meg and Danny came to see me, they had not had sex in more than a year. Meg had put on weight, but Danny denied that was the reason he did not feel like having sex with his wife. He said he simply had not been in the mood for many months. He complained that his wife bullied him into it, made him feel guilty about not desiring her, and that just diminished his interest in her even more. He said he felt generally lethargic. It wasn't directed at his wife. He just felt uninspired, like he had no energy.

One comment he made shocked me: "If my wife continues to badger me on this sex thing, then I think I want a divorce." For her part, Meg said that her husband not touching her at night was torturing her. She felt ugly and unwanted. She wanted her husband to be intimate with her.

"We're not roommates, for goodness' sake. We're married. This is unnatural." I told them to start slow.