Artist Refuses To Help Her Boyfriend Pay Rent Because He Makes $230,000 More A Year Than Her
Few people were on her side.
Pixel-Shot | Shutterstock Relationships are complicated enough. Adding money into the mix just makes things worse.
One woman found out this was true the hard way after her boyfriend asked her to help pay rent despite making $230,000 more than her each year.
A woman refused to pay part of her and her boyfriend’s rent since he makes so much more than her.
An anonymous woman posted in the “Relationship Advice” subreddit to ask for counsel as to what she should do moving forward with her boyfriend.
According to the woman, she works as a freelance artist and makes about $30,000 a year. “My boyfriend … already knows my financial situation, and I’ve shared with him my annual salary,” she said. “He makes $230k more than me.”
Photo: Yaroslav Shuraev / Canva Pro
The woman stated that she and her boyfriend came to an agreement when they started talking about moving in together in which her boyfriend decided “he’d be more than happy to cover the rent … as he knows he makes way more than me.”
Everything seemed to be going fine for the couple. The woman said that she contributed by purchasing her own essentials as well as paying for their groceries and doing all of the cooking. She insisted she was not “freeloading” off of her boyfriend. Still, her boyfriend decided he was no longer content with the arrangement.
“For some unknown reason, today he asked me if I would be willing to help pay for rent in addition to groceries,” she said.
The woman was unsure how to feel. It really affected her feelings towards her boyfriend. She wrote, “I’m 1) confused and 2) put off by him asking me to contribute to rent. It’s to the point where I feel a bit cold and unfriendly towards him, like it’s taken a bit of the romance off from my side.”
The response was not sympathetic to the woman's plight.
Fellow Reddit users were largely on the boyfriend’s side. “You need to learn how to be financially independent, but you aren’t and [it] doesn’t seem like you are striving to be,” one person said. “He is asking you to contribute to the rent, not to split it 50/50 … I really don’t understand why you think that’s outrageous, to the point you even are falling out of love with him,” another wrote.
However, a screenshot of the post made its way to X, where it was met with very different reactions. “Don’t date an artsy type and then get annoyed when they don’t contribute financially,” one person said. “You can solve this by splitting expenses proportionally based on income,” another suggested.
She blamed his former relationship for their current situation.
After the woman saw the unfavorable response her post received, she added some further information to clarify her stance. She said that her boyfriend was “projecting onto me for no reason” because of his ex. The woman claimed that his ex did not put forth an equal effort and that what they had could not even be considered a relationship.
Above all, the woman insisted that she was not a “golddigger.” She added, “He now acknowledges he hasn’t seen my efforts to contribute, both financially and in homemaking. We still have to figure out exact numbers of how much I should be contributing, but he is not asking me to make more than I currently do now. He’s totally fine with my career, so people can stop telling me I’m not independent or whatever.”
Money is a major stressor in relationships and moving in together can amplify financial strife.
On the surface, it appears to make sense that this woman would not pay rent when her boyfriend makes such a considerable amount of money more than she does. However, when the details are looked at closely, it’s not so simple. What is simple, however, is that communication is key to rebuilding the bonds of this relationship.
Financial expert and author Wynne Whitman told CNBC, “Include financial management as one of the chores when making a list of who does what.” But most importantly, Whitman suggested that a financial plan be set in place before moving in and it should be discussed as frequently and as comfortably as asking your partner to help with regular household responsibilities and chores.
If this woman is truly dedicated to mending her relationship and moving forward, she needs to get comfortable talking about money with her partner. These conversations are never easy especially when there is an extreme discrepancy in earnings between partners, but they are absolutely necessary for a couple to succeed in the future.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.