Are you a woman with a lot going for her in all areas except in love and relationships? Do men stop calling or withdraw after a few dates or tell you they’re not interested or don’t feel the right chemistry with you? Maybe you’re wondering if men are simply intimidated by you because you’re a strong, successful woman. The truth is, a man isn’t turned off by a successful woman. Men love intelligent, successful women.
A man can, however, be turned off by the way you’re relating to him. These are the three ways you may be failing in love:
1) Playing down your success.
You pretend you’re “less-than” because you fear intimidating a man. You play down your strengths and successes because you think he won’t like competing with you. If you’re a successful woman, revel in your success! Run everything at work, be managerial and multi-tasking. But when you’re with a man, don’t try to manage him.
2) Managing him.
You may doing this without realizing it. For example, he’ll tell you about a problem he’s having and you say, “You should do this…” or “If I were you, I wouldn’t do that…” This makes him feel managed—like he’s a child and you’re his mother. This isn’t a good feeling for a man. He wants to feel respected and admired, not mothered. You can let a man know what you want and need by simply saying, “I’d like that” or “I don’t want that” or “That would feel good to me.”
3) Doing too much.
One drawback to being an accomplished woman is that you know how to get a lot done, usually all at once. When you want something in your relationship, it’s hard for you to wait for him to do it. It’s easier to call him first, make the plans, decide on the venue — all so you don’t have to feel frustrated and impatient. The cure for this is to learn to be surprised by a man, and not work so hard to make things happen. A woman who’s busy rowing the “rowboat of love” leaves a man with nothing to do. He either sits back and enjoys the ride, or he does what we tell him to do — and I’ve never met a woman who thought either of those were attractive in a man. I understand how all this feels. I’m a woman who instinctively wants to take charge, and the way I was using those strengths was killing my relationships. Over time, I learned how to harness my masculine, take-charge energy to become successful in my work, while basically giving up controlling a man in any way. This is what turned everything around for me nearly overnight and has led me to have a glorious, 20-plus year marriage with the man of my dreams.