5 Signs Your Marriage Is Getting Dull
The best things you can do when your marriage feels stale
DC Studio Feeling bored in your marriage can happen for a multitude of reasons. According to Psychologist Roxy Zarrabi, boredom can be caused by past relationship trauma, being overworked in your past relationships, or being taught that boredom in marriage is normal.
Despite what others consider to be normal, boredom can be detrimental to a marriage if not dealt with.
Julia Woods is a couples coach who specializes in helping couples reconnect and form deeper connections with each other. She recently shared five classic signs that your marriage may be getting a little stale.
5 Signs You’re Bored In Your Marriage
1. You keep doing the same things.
Following the same routine can get boring after a while. According to Woods, a telltale sign your marriage is getting stale is if you can predict what your partner is going to say before they say it.
So, try changing your routine slowly. "If you guys eat out at the same restaurant try going to another restaurant", writes psychosocial rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry.
Also, when was the last time you went out on a date? If you are drawing a blank, it's time to throw together a date night! Go bowling or go to a drive-in movie. The key is to constantly create new experiences with your partner.
According to the University of Austin Texas, “Researchers concluded that people are happier with experiential purchases over material ones irrespective of when you measure happiness: before, during, or after consumption.”
2. You don’t know what to talk about.
Drawing a blank on what to talk about is the worst feeling in the world — especially in relationships. It's not only awkward but frustrating as well.
Experiencing these pauses is not abnormal and does not signify the end of your relationship. Rather comfort is to blame for your lack of conversation.
So, try asking the right questions! Replace bland questions with open-ended questions to get your partner thinking. Ask them, "What is one thing you look forward to this week and why?"
This line of questioning will make your partner both excited to share and more open.
If you are still struggling — create new experiences. Do something crazy like skydiving or join a painting class. These newer experiences will help give you something to talk about.
3. Sex is pretty non-existent.
Don't underestimate sex in your relationship — it's pretty important. And if you don't remember the last time you got intimate with your partner, your relationship is getting stale.
Sex can benefit you and your relationship greatly by:
- Helping to reduce your anxiety
- Experiencing less physical pain
- Higher levels of intimacy
- Quality sleep
- Lower blood pressure
However, there's more to sex than just the physical benefits. Sex can help you build trust with your partner and can aid in emotional healing and building self-confidence. If you aren't sure if you're having sex enough, ask your partner. Remember, everyone has a different sex drive and it's crucial to know your partner's. So, discuss and find an average together.
4. You are tempted by others.
If you or your partner have a wandering eye this is a clear sign of a stale relationship. But a wandering eye doesn't just include friends or co-workers — it includes celebrities as well.
As sex therapist and clinical psychologist, Marianne Brandon writes, “Managing temptation is humanity’s struggle.” However, you can manage it by putting shifting perspectives.
Put yourself in your partner's position and ask yourself how you would feel. How would you feel if your partner lusted after someone else? It would probably sting, right? Changing perspectives can help you empathize, making the temptation less desirable.
Next, how would your partner react if they found out you were unfaithful? "Try and imagine how the conversation would go word for word," writes Brandon.
5. You aren’t prioritizing time together.
It's understandable that during marriage things can get pretty chaotic, and you may forget to spend quality time with your partner.
However, it is crucial to make time for one another — regardless of what's happening around you.
If you want to re-spark your dwindling flames, here are things to consider:
- Have at-home dates.
- Cook and clean together.
- Schedule meetings where you check in with each other.
- Do physical activities together.
- Take up a hobby together.
The First, Most Crucial Step To Making Your Marriage Exciting Again
When it comes to relationships — honesty is the best policy. And without honesty, no real change can occur.
According to Psychologist Lisa Firestone, “Unsurprisingly, studies have shown that couples who cease to lie to each other for a measured period reported smoother interactions and improved relating.”
However, honesty doesn't mean discussing deceptions or little lies. Rather it includes openness and being truthful with one another.
Remember, honesty isn't meant to always be pleasant. But as Firestone writes, "Honesty can help make sense of our emotions — which can prevent us from acting in hurtful ways."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.