14 Signs He 'Bone-Zoned' You And Isn't Interested In A Real Friendship
It's the ugly, real version of the "friendzone."
oneinchpunch / Shutterstock I’ll say it once, and I’ll say it again: there’s no such thing as “the friend zone.” The friend zone concept was made up in a movie and basically morphed into this idea that women are supposed to put out just because a guy was moderately polite to them. It’s an ugly, pop culture-induced way to shame women for rejecting guys in a polite manner.
I will say, though, that there is a phenomenon that is real: Bone-zoning. This is when a guy decides that you’re only worth being polite to, or even befriending if there’s a chance that you will end up sleeping with him.
Every girl on the planet has experienced this at one point or another, so I don’t have to go into detail about how degrading and hurtful it is to be objectified as a sex vending machine by men.
In most cases, it's easy to recognize the signs he only wants sex. They often lash out in anger after being rejected, say horrible things, then apologize after telling you that they’re “a really nice guy.” (This is called Nice Guy Syndrome, FYI.)
Other times, though, bone-zoning isn’t that easy to spot. That guy friend you have maybe low-key bone-zoning you without you even realizing it. If you aren’t sure what’s up, watch out for the following signs he only wants sex.
14 Signs He 'Bone-Zoned' You And Isn't Interested In A Real Friendship
1. You notice he hates your boyfriend with a passion, despite having no reason to hate him.
A guy who is literally only friends with you because he wants to sleep with you will hate any obstacle in his way, especially if it’s a boyfriend. He may insult him, refuse to speak to him, or even try to break you up. Should you notice this, it’s time to dump your “friend,” because he’s really no friend at all.
2. He has a reputation for sleeping with his “friends.”
We all know a guy who seems to have sex with every female friend he’s ever had. Though I don’t put all my belief into a person’s reputation, having a reputation for sleeping with your female friends is a sign that you could be dealing with a serial bone-zoner.
3. He’s occasionally broached the subject of sex with you, but immediately backed down when you showed discomfort.
Doing this is a way a lot of guys try to “test the waters.” They won’t go full Nice Guy on you, nor will they be a creep about it, but they do want to see if you would be interested in dating them later on.
4. When you had your last breakup, he immediately came to the rescue and wouldn’t leave you alone.
A lot of legit friends will do this, true. But most girls know the difference between real sympathy and the weird, quasi-sexual way guys who are bone-zoning them will act. This is basically a guy acting like a vulture, hoping he can be next in line post-breakup. Gross, right?
5. He’s bemoaned how girls “don’t like Nice Guys” to you.
Yeah, if he’s the type to whine about it, then he’s probably already decided he wants to sleep with you. The passive-aggressive whining he’s doing is his mating call. Feel free to ignore it.
6. The moment he’s got a girlfriend, he vanishes.
This is a typical sign that crops up in regular cycles. When he’s single, he’s always with you. When he’s taken, POOF! Gone. Well, at least now you know what he was really looking for, right?
7. When you gained weight or had a cosmetic issue, he stopped talking to you.
This is a personal pet peeve of mine, and later on, I realized that it went beyond just being upset about being deemed “worthy” based on looks. When a guy does this, he’s basically saying that you’re only of interest to him on a sexual level and that your friendship alone isn’t worth it.
8. He only started talking respectfully to you after you lost weight.
I’ve had this happen with people who I met while I was a size 18, and yes, it was mostly guys who treated me this way. A person who bone-zones you only sees value in your body and sex, and if he couldn’t be bothered to be kind to you when you were heavy, you shouldn’t be bothered to be kind to him when you’re thin.
9. When you got married, he disappeared.
A surprising number of friends I know had longtime male friends ghost them the moment they walked down the aisle. The reason why is obvious: they were waiting on the sidelines hoping that the girls in question would date them instead.
When it became crystal clear that wasn’t happening, they no longer wanted anything to do with the friendship they accidentally cultivated over the years.
10. A number of his friends have approached you, begging you to give him a chance.
This is a sneaky tactic that guys who bone-zone girls will do. Basically, it’s a manipulative way to guilt-trip you into dating a guy or sleeping with him by enlisting the help of other people.
If you say no, he’ll call you heartless. If you say yes, well... you have to date a guy you’re not into just to keep up appearances.
11. You’ve never met any of the girls he’s dated, despite being good friends.
Surprise! They probably don’t exist. If they do exist, he keeps you separate because he’s hoping you might want to be his sidepiece if he games you enough.
12. If he hears that you have an FWB arrangement, the salt gets real.
Guys who bone-zone get really pissed if they find out someone else is getting no-strings-attached sex. Like, they will fume about it. Does he suggest offering your fling rat poison for his birthday present? He’s probably lowkey bone-zoning you.
13. It seems like he’s making a special effort to be a gentleman around you.
He walks you to your car. He buys you drinks. He makes a point of doing all the old-school mannerly things, not because you’re friends, but because he wants to bone you. Sorry to say, but if he does this while saying you’re “friends,” he’s bone-zoning you.
14. If you rejected him, he stopped talking to you, inviting you to parties with other friends and withdrew any premise of friendship.
This is what hurts the most, and it almost always happens when you’re bone-zoned. It’s also the most obvious sign he’s bone-zoned you.
You’re sitting there, thinking you made a new friend, but instead, ended up meeting someone who only values you if you’re putting out for him. If this happens too often to you, then it’s easy to develop trust issues about guys.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.