What To Do When A Guy Texts You Again After Ghosting You
He ghosted you before, so learn how to cut him off at the pass before he ghosts you again.
Getty When a man ghosts you then suddenly reappears, it can be tough to determine if he sincerely likes you, or is looking for something else.
If he was fine with ghosting you in the past, he could go ahead and do the same thing again.
How should you respond to his post-ghosting text?
You have to establish some boundaries first, then wait-and-see.
It's fairly common for men who disappeared after a few weeks, or month, of dating to suddenly show back up in your texts or DMs and say they want to see you to try having a real relationship. Sometimes their intentions are real, and sometimes they're just trying to manipulate women into falling back into bed with them.
The hot and cold cycle gets frustrating and painful.
I'm not trying to lecture you here. What you do in your bedroom is your business. However, it’s worth mentioning that casual sex and friends with benefits arrangements are not typically good for women.
Before perimenopause, women are biologically predisposed to bond and develop feelings for men they have sex with. Chemical bonding after sex is nature’s way of gluing us together so our offspring survive.
This is another one of the many reasons breaking up is so hard after things get physical, as splitting up that chemical bond involves an actual withdrawal process.
That’s why sometimes, even when you think you can handle it and just have fun, you start having feelings for a guy anyway. Unless you are past your fertile years, your body makes it hard for you to leave him.
It's also the reason the afterglow of sex transforms many normal, even below-average men into virtual Don Juan's in the eyes of their lovers. Nature simply doesn't care if he is a good guy or a bad one.
Now, obviously, your time machine isn't up and running, so you can't go back to the past and put off sex until you establish a consistent and continuous monogamous relationship with him first.
As one of my favorite relationship advice professionals, Dr. Pat Allen — relationship therapist and bestselling author of "Getting To 'I Do'" — says, "You can’t trust humans; all you can do is take a risk on them."
She’s right. There are no guarantees in relationships.
So, how do you respond when a guy texts again after ghosting you?
If you still like this guy and want to see where it goes, spend some time with him, but take a wait-and-see approach regarding whether or not the two of you will be having sex again.
To do this effectively, tell him the truth — that you jumped into bed with him too soon and would like to see if you can establish a solid monogamous relationship by spending more time together outside of the bedroom before things get physical between you again.
Then stick to your guns until you both either fall in love and it all goes the way you want — or you decide to call it quits for good.
Start operating from the perspective that people, not just men, aren't usually being malicious, though they don’t always think things out first or even know exactly what they want. Human beings have a tendency to make decisions based on their emotions, and then justify them later with logic.
A man who comes back after disappearing might be completely serious about wanting a relationship with you. Or he might just want to have sex with you again. Or he might want both.
In fact, he might want sex, a relationship, a puppy, and a hot air balloon.
But most likely, he probably doesn't know exactly what he wants, just that he wanted to reach out to you.
That’s why taking a wait-and-see approach about sex is the best way to figure out what he wants from you, as well as what you want from him.
As an extra bonus, you already know things are hot between the sheets, so all you have to do now is state what you want and follow through until you get it.
If he's serious about wanting a relationship with you, he’ll be fine with your boundary-setting statement about spending non-sexual time together while you get to know each other better.
Now, at some point during your journey, he might ask you to have sex before you are ready, or have established a consistent relationship with him.
Personally, I don't think you can fault a red-blooded human male for wanting to have sex with you, since he’s built to do that. So, if he asks before establishing a relationship with you, don’t get all huffy-puffy with him. Just say no and gently restate your boundaries.
It's just that simple.
And if he’s lying about wanting a relationship and can’t wait to have sex with you again, you’ll have your answer and know it's time to kiss him goodbye for good soon enough.
Elizabeth Stone is a relationship coach who helps women tired of dead-end relationships with men who pull away, ghost and dump turn their love lives around.