7 Reasons Dating A Younger Man Is A Smart Choice
Embrace your inner "cougar".
Dmytro Zinkevych/shutterstock As a 40-something woman, I’ve dated men of all ages, body types, and lifestyles. I'm also an anthropologist who studies sexuality, and this often serves as a sound explanation — or excuse — for my propensity to enjoy a diverse buffet of men.
But of the romantic experiences I've had, I've found there are amazing benefits to dating younger men that may get looked over. The ones who float my boat the most are usually 10 to 15 years younger than me, fit, good looking, and smart.
Contrary to the image of a cougar hunting her unsuspecting prey, they come to me in a steady stream of matches à la Bumble or Tinder. And they do so because I’m older.
The relationships of celebrities like Laura Dern, Heidi Klum, Halle Barry, and many others before them reflect the cultural significance of these May-December relationships.
But is it just the beautiful Hollywood elite who experience these liberating, presumably sex-filled unions?
Happily, the answer is no! According to an AARP survey of 3,500 singles, 34 percent of women between 40 to 69 years of age date younger men.
One reason is that they are delaying marriage and have fewer same-aged prospects when they choose to settle down, because men often marry younger women. This “marriage squeeze” compels many women to turn their interests to younger guys for sex and companionship.
Another reason these relationships are on the rise is the shift in what young men desire in terms of lifestyle. They don’t all want to have children or be the primary breadwinners, and many are looking for more opportunities for equity in their relationships.
Where do we find these men? What else are they interested in besides sex? And why are they the smart choice for older women?
Here are 7 surprising reasons why dating younger men is a smart choice for many older women.
1. There are more of them.
Because young men have grown up with smartphones and tech more broadly, they use apps to date — and so should you! There are literally millions of young men on dating platforms of all varieties, languages, and sexual interests.
In contrast, guys between the ages of 35 and 45 make up a smaller pool because they are married, in monogamous relationships, or reluctant to date digitally.
2. Their dating profiles are more interesting.
Younger men exude confidence in how they present themselves in photos and their writeups.
They also mention animals, the environment, and fashion, which I’m interested in, too. Whereas guys my age seem driven to be seen as young, hence the abundance of extreme parachuting photos and words like “vigorous” and “youthful” in their profiles.
3. They're healthy.
Lots of men on dating apps say they’re into fitness, but the young ones seem more committed to it. This is evidenced by their profile pics, most of which are taken in front of a mirror (think: “gym rat”).
The gym is essential to modern dating, school, and work. These things are important in my everyday life, too, except it’s yoga over the gym, and as a university professor, school is work.
4. They're more playful.
Sex is typically what dating is about and in my experience, and it’s consistently better with younger men. They begin their sexual exploration early, which means their skills and desires are often well-developed by the time we meet.
And they are not just eager to learn new moves, they seem equally interested in learning how to better understand women sexually.
5. They have less baggage.
Younger guys have fewer or less-complex personal issues compared to older men, and they are less demanding of my emotional energy.
They don’t run away when I share difficult experiences and talk about managing various life challenges. In fact, they often use these moments to discuss their own issues and how they want to enrich their lives (i.e., career, wellness, travel).
6. They're really into me.
When I ask my dates why they are into older women, they say that the sex is usually fantastic, we know what we want in life, we’re interesting, and we tend to have our shit together. Amen.
Being desired is satisfying and feels especially powerful in a culture that demeans women as we age. And, let’s be honest, the hot teacher fantasy is alive and well — cue the Van Halen and apple emojis.
7. I can be myself.
I’m proud of who I am and my accomplishments, which I readily share with my dates. Unlike guys my age who tend to evaluate my successes against their own, young men are genuinely interested.
They ask questions and want to learn from my experiences, which means that I feel comfortable showing my vulnerability and my powerful attributes.
What have I learned from dating a younger man?
Younger men are more turned on and less intimidated than older guys by what I have to offer. Since success, independence, and attractiveness are what they are looking for, there is usually less dating drama and we get to know one more quickly.
And most of them are worth getting to know, not just for physical reasons, but because they're interesting people in their own right.
Young men who desire women in my age bracket are often intelligent, independent thinkers who are only too happy to bend the restrictive rules that govern status-quo dating patterns.
The alliance between our sexual energies and lifestyle aspirations are additional factors that make these relationships work.
Dating younger men is like a portal.
They take me to places where I am happy, turned on, and feel accepted. These sexy, empowering places have transformed my journey to better intimacy, confidence, and self-love.
In a society that undervalues women — especially older women — these experiences demonstrate the possibility of something better for women like me and the younger men who are hot for us.
Treena Orchard is an author, dating expert, and wellness mentor who wants to help you live your best life and create long-lasting relationships! For more information on how she can help you, visit her website.