Getting your ex back is all you can think about after hearing a few deadly words; "It's over" or "This isn't working for me." Everything that you've counted on and known until now is suddenly gone. Your life plans, your hopes, your dreams and a part of yourself feels utterly lost. You are left with a broken heart and a huge, great, gaping hole in your life. You feel like your whole life has been shattered to bits and you just don't know how you will survive. Getting through the next 60 seconds after hearing those fateful words feels like an eternity and you are sure you now know what dying really feels like.
Where Do Broken Hearts Go?
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Over the next few days and weeks, you go back and forth between feeling like you are in a total blur to feeling like you are on a roller coaster ride of all kinds of emotions—hurt, anger, sadness, rejection and betrayal. When you are heartbroken, hurting, angry, confused, feeling lonely and vulnerable, you desperately want things to go back to what they were. At this point, anything feels better than the pain you are experiencing and you would do anything to get your ex back.
You know you are getting obsessed with your ex when:
- You try to find any excuse to contact your ex—you want to get that sweater you left at his house or you want to return something he left at your place.
- You can't resist the urge to text or call your ex.
- You park outside his work place.
- You drive by his house at night.
- You turn up at his best friend's to find out what he is up to.
- Your thoughts and actions become focused more and more on him...and less and less on you.
What you need to understand and appreciate is that getting through a break up is like getting through the withdrawal of drug dependency. New research suggests the trauma from breaking up can be severe because love rejection affects primitive areas of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction craving. This research helps explain the anguished feelings that can accompany a break-up, as well as the extreme behaviors that can occur as a result, such as stalking, homicide and suicide.
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