Why should we enter a relationship expecting to win without proper training?
With the Olympics in full swing, it's that time of year when we get ready to ooh and ah at Adonis bodies accomplishing impossible tasks that inspire us beyond our sense of human limitation. While they definitely make it look effortless, we know years of training went into their moments of masterful glory.
Most of us don't expect ourselves to finesse triple axle jumps and record breaking times on skates or skis. Yet, we all seem to expect ourselves to have picture perfect Hollywood romances without ever taking Relationships 101 let alone having a world-class coach. You definitely wouldn't fathom an Olympian stepping into their event without training. So, why do we expect ourselves to play well let alone win in the field of relationships without some education and coaching?
Before I scare you off into thinking that loving like an Olympian means hard work, let me clear up that misconception! Check out my article "Debunking the Myth that Relationships Are Hard Work" to know that I am definitely not in that camp! Most of us think that becoming an Olympian is hard work.
The Olympians I work with have never described it that way, because they have passion for what they do. They love it. As Ammaji says, "Where there is love there is no effort." The key question is: How do we keep up the love when it starts to feel like work? That's where mastery and training come in.
One of the least known facts about love is that it is something you can train for and practice. Researchers from the Institute of HeartMath have produced some incredible studies, which reveal love is a state of being in the heart's rhythm that can be measured and traced in real-time on your computer screen, iPhone or iPad with devices called the emWave and Inner Balance App.
When we love, our heart goes into a coherent, ordered pattern. And we can train our hearts to do that the same way a skater conditions their body to twirl. We can learn to create that optimal state of heart rhythm coherence and generate the feelings that we all want in relationships like love, care and appreciation. When we do, we hear and communicate with others better, set goals truer to our heart's desires, and pursue them in more effective and innovative ways. Olympians work with me to learn how to do that for their sports—and the exact same principles apply to love and relationships.
We can practice love and train for love whether we are in, or in between, relationships. The key to loving like an Olympian is in our own hearts not just our relationships. In my private coaching practice I have the privilege of working with Olympic athletes to help them optimize their performance.
Getting to know them as people rather than just iconic images on screen is both humbling and heartwarming. Humbling because they truly are the best in their class. Heartwarming, because they are people just like you and me, who want many of the same things we do especially when it comes to love and relationships.
Olympians have a head (and maybe heart?) start when it comes to success in relationships because many of the same qualities that make them the best in their sport translate into creating lasting love, too. And the good news is these qualities are accessible to every person who has a beating heart.
You may not have the talent to win a downhill slalom, but with the principles Olympians use to make the team you can keep your love life from being an uphill battle. While every person is different, there are some things that all of the Olympians I've had the pleasure to work with have in common that can give us mere mortals insight on how to train for lasting, heavenly love here on earth:
- They have a passion for what they do — they love it. Where there is love there is no effort, but there is innovation, dedication and long-term success (because it produces heart rhythm coherence, which is a peak performance state!)
- Their passion is directed toward a tangible vision — a goal (or in some cases the gold).
- They take continuous and informed action towards actualizing their vision and goal.
- They all have coaches. Every single one of them. They train, They practice. They train. They practice. They refine. They get coached. They train. They practice.
- They don't take setbacks as an indication of a trend. They don't make mistakes mean they are failures. They learn from their mistakes to course correct toward their goal. When they fall down, they get up. Keep reading...
More love advice on YourTango: