Go ahead, deny yourself. It's fun!
By engaging in chastity play, you can learn the pleasuring, teasing, and yes, sometimes torment of orgasm denial. Chastity play allows you to discover that sexual fulfillment isn't always about instant gratification (which is often a shock to first timers). Are you ready to enrich your and your partners sexual appetites?
What is chastity play?
Chastity play isn't something new. It has actually been around for centuries. The practice of chastity play involves denying yourself sexual stimulation and giving control of your sexual needs to someone else. This someone else is also known as the key holder.
Chastity play can have different meanings for each person who participates and those meanings can be very personal. Whether it's the relationship between submissives to their key holders, willingness and desire of both to please each other or to give or receive more meaningful orgasms, each person can have very unique experience during chastity play.
Chastity play is not about total abstinence as many might think. It's about prolonged orgasms and giving up sexual control so you don't know when or if your key holder will allow you an orgasmic release.
People who engage in chastity play don't always have sex once released from their chastity device. There are other ways to reach sexual satisfaction. It can be about pleasuring yourself while your key holder watches then locks you back up in your chastity device afterward. The possibilities are endless!
Is chastity play for you?
For those who are new to chastity play and want to learn more about adding it into your sex lives, you may wonder how you begin. You need to decide if this is something you would really like to try.
Differing fom other fetishes, chastity play prolongs your orgasms in order to achieve greater sexual satisfaction. You're giving over control to someone else, the key holder, who determines when you may receive sexual pleasure. All this can be a very erotic experience.
Do you know if you want to be the dominant or the submissive partner? This all depends on you and your partner and what you want to get out of your chastity play. And remember—you can always switch roles.
You need to have honesty and trust in order for a chastity relationship to work. Since the key holder has power over their partner, there needs to be an absolute trust to eliminate any fear of the dominant partner. The key holder must also trust their partner to avoid pleasuring themselves when they're not around.
How to find a playmate if you're single
Chastity play works best if you're currently in a relationship where you can be open with your partner to discuss your sexual fantasies. However, if you're single there are options available to allow you to practice chastity play.
One option is to hire a mistress who specializes in chastity play. This ensures your first experience will be with a professional with experience in chastity play. This is a great option for a first timer who needs someone to help introduce you to the ins and outs of chastity play.
Another option is to place an ad with Craigslist, Backpage or any other forum where you place ads for sexual partners. Use caution when meeting people in person. Meet for the first time in a public place to discuss what you plan to get out of your chastity play.
It may take meeting more than one person to find someone you're comfortable with and feel you can trust, and that's OK. Not everyone is how they seem in an online ad so do not be afraid to take steps to protect yourself and feel safe.
After you've found your match, the next step is to schedule an appointment. You should draw up a contract with the key holder that outlines what you have agreed on, what is expected of both parties and states a release date of your chastity device.
The key holder will obviously be the person who holds the key to the chastity device so you don't cheat. However, it's always a good idea to have a spare key in case of emergency. This is one area where trust and honesty come into play.
Start things off slowly
Start off slowly at first with chastity play. It's a new experience and I recommend only one or two days of being locked in your chastity device to begin with. This allows your private areas to adjust to the chastity device, as it can be very irritating at first for some.
Plan a date to meet at a hotel with your key holder so they can release you from your chastity device, or have your key holder surprise you for some extra excitement. Remember that it's not always about having sex with your key holder, especially if the two of you agreed not to have sex but did agree you can masturbate once released from the device.
Once your key holder releases you and allows you pleasure, he or she should lock you back into your chastity device and leave. Just make sure that you clean yourself along with your chastity device before putting it back on.
This is the time for you to evaluate your experience and decide of you want to continue with chastity play. If you both decide to continue, make another date but make sure this time you schedule a longer period of time.
You can even try chastity play completely solo
Finally, you can always play chastity play alone, especially if you're unsure if you will enjoy it and want to try it out solo before getting someone else involved. You just need to be honest with yourself when flying solo.
Start by signing a contract with yourself along with a release date. Put the key somewhere safe as mentioned above. An alternative is to mail the key to yourself so that it gets to you in a few days and you have time to experiment with chastity play. Just remember to always have a spare key incase of emergencies to avoid an awkward locksmith call.
Try it out for a few days at first to see how you like it then unlock your chastity device and pleasure yourself. You can tease yourself first before unlocking your chastity device by looking at pornographic magazines, watching porn or going to a strip club.
If you want to try chastity play again, do it for a longer period of time. When you feel ready you can see about finding someone to play with you as mentioned above.
If you're already in a relationship, how do you bring up the idea of chastity play?
For those of you in a relationship, you now have to think of someone else's needs besides your own. Bringing up any fetish to your partner can be hard especially if you have known them for a long time and have never brought the topic up before.
They may think that they're not satisfying you sexually, you're not happy in the relationship, or may think your fetish perverse. It might be hard for them to tell if you've just recently wanted to try chastity play, or if you'd had this desire for awhile.
All partners like to think they're approachable when it comes to talking about sex. They may be, but it can be difficult to talk about your sexual fantasies. My best advice is to be open and honest with your partner and to encourage communication, but that is easier said than done.
In order to approach your partner, you need to know what it is about the fetish that you like and what you want to get out of it for the both of you, not just you. You have to know your desires well enough to communicate them to your partner so they can better understand how it can bring pleasure to you both.
You can start off by sharing each other's sexual fantasies. Ask your partner what one of their fetishes or fantasies are and promise to do it. When it is your turn to share, mention chastity play.
Let them know how much it turns you on for them to have control over your sexual needs. Also, let them know that during chastity play while you are locked in your device that they get to have their way with you and you will attend to their every need.
Sometimes your partners may need some time to think about it, so give them their space. If after thinking about it, they're still not into it and don't want to participate then there's nothing left to do. Maybe you can suggest not using a chastity device if they find that a little perverse and set up a trial period to test chastity play out.
If they agree to it, then start off by setting a time period that you will go without orgasm but you will pleasure them. Maybe the weekend is a good time to try it for the first time. Start on Friday after work and end on Sunday before bed.
Make sure you cater to their every need. Have them decide when it is time for your sexual release. Remember that it is not just about you having an orgasm, still pleasure them before coming.
If the answer is still no, then there is not much to do but to give them their space. Maybe they will come around, or maybe they won't.
Always take the necessary safety precautions
With any fetish, there are always safety precautions. Chastity devices should be worn with care as they rub up against your genitals causing irritation. If this happens remove the chastity device until the area has healed. Be sure to keep a close eye on the area and look for signs of infection.
Remember hygiene is very important. More irritation and infection can occur if you don't wash your genital area. Be sure to clean your device daily as bacteria can build up on the device and provide a further threat to infection.
Cleaning can be done with the device on and most key holders and submissives prefer the device is worn all the time. Most devices today are made to allow the person wearing them to use the bathroom and clean themselves.
3 creative ways to incorporate chastity play into your sex life.
Now that you know the basics of chastity play, let me introduce a few ways you can incorporate it into your sex life.
1. Try chastity play without a device.
Chastity play doesn't always require you always wear a device. In fact going without one is an easy way to start out for those who may be unsure about wearing chastity devices at first or for partners who are unsure about engaging in chastity play.
This way is a little harder as you might be more likely to touch and pleasure yourself. Again this is where the trust and honesty part come into play.
First, sit down with your partner to discuss how long you want to go without touching yourself. Two days? Three days? A week or more? What is the right amount of time for you? Start off slow in the beginning to see if it's something you can handle but remember that chastity play is about self-control.
The key holder has to keep a watchful eye on you and remind you not to touch yourself. Just keep in mind that it will be worth it once you are allowed to orgasm.
When the day arrives, your partner should arrange a time and place for the two of you to meet. Once the two of you are together, let your partner tease you until they are ready to let you cum. Or they can make you pleasure them until they let you climax.
Afterward, you can switch roles with your partner and you become the key holder. Or you can try it again but this time attempt a longer amount of time and maybe this time you want to try a chastity device. Or try the same amount of time but add the chastity advice.
The point is to have fun and experiment with what makes the both of you feel comfortable.
2. Going on a business trip? Make sure to pack your chastity device!
This time use a chastity device for your chastity play when you leave to go on a business trip. This way you're away from your key holder but you have to behave yourself. Sure you can watch as much hotel porn as you want but you will not be able to please yourself until you return home and they release you.
3. Let the key holder tease you in creative ways.
Another way for your key holder to tease and pleasantly torture you is to lock your chastity device for a period of time agreed upon but to find ways to torture your genitals each day.
- They can plan a trip to the strip club for the both of you.
- The two of you can watch porn together.
- You can watch your key holder as they pleasure themselves in front of you.
- You have to give your naked partner a full body massage.
- You have to give your partner oral sex.
Have your key holder use their imagination with ways to tease you while you are locked in your chastity device. Once you have been released then you can switch roles with your partner and have them be the submissive ones while you tease them.
Buy Female & Male Chastity Belts Here. Learn more about chastity play this week with "Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders." Sienna Sinclaire ~ Naughty Los Angeles Sex & Dating Coach.
This article was originally published at Naughty Lifestyle Guide. Reprinted with permission from the author.