He dumped you. Heartbreak can be so painful and emotionally challenging, especially if you thought there was potential for a future together. Sometimes the end comes as a complete shock, but often there are signs along the way. You may have chosen to look the other way or brushed every painful comment or action under the rug. You wanted the relationship to work, but now it's over. So now you have recurring thoughts of your ex. In extreme cases, it can feel like you're going through withdrawal from an addiction, but it is always painful. As hard as it is to believe, you can move on from this. Read on to learn five tips for healing from a painful breakup.
1. Cut Off All Contact
Don't hang out where he hangs out. That also means no Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, email, phone or smoke signals. Don't stalk him on any dating sites. You don't want any signs of him in your life. The less you're connected with your ex, the less you'll obsess about him. So disconnect!
2. Stop Talking About Him
In the beginning, especially if you were dumped, you will probably want to talk about him. You'll ruminate. You'll dream about him. And then you'll talk some more. Your friends will listen until they can't take it any more. Some will be kind enough to tell you that you should stop. I had a client who kept asking, 'What did I do wrong to cause the relationship to fail? Why did I say this or that to him? If I only did this or that, he wouldn't have broken up with me.' I forbade her from using his name anymore. She now calls him 'The Schmuck', but even that is not good for her. The less she talks about him, the less he will be on her mind. Eventually, she will stop thinking about him and move on.
3. Fall In Love With Yourself Again
Find activities that will keep your mind off of your ex. Learn a new skill or hobby. Always wanted to take up photography? Now is a great time. Take that trip you've been dreaming of. When you're busy with positive things, you'll begin to fall in love with your life again, which will eventually help you fall madly in love with yourself. A healthy sense of self is the best way to avoid dating people like your ex again.
4. Don't Date On The Rebound
It's easy to jump into a new relationship in order to forget your ex. Don't do it! I've seen too many clients who remarried within a year of a divorce — only to get divorced again a few years later. You need time for yourself.
5. Do A Dating Detox
Take time to process the relationship and learn from it. Keep a journal and write a little every day. Write about what makes you special and unique. Discover why you chose this person, why you chose to stay, and what you might have done to contribute to the breakup. Don't beat yourself up. Have self-compassion. You are on a journey, and this person was part of your journey to love. He was your teacher. If you can't heal by yourself, find a coach or therapist who will help you can uncover how to make better choices from the onset of your next relationship.
I suggest waiting about a year after a long-term relationship ends to begin dating again. This may seem like a long time right now, but you do need time to heal. You don't want to go unconscious or numb in dating. Be mindful of how you'd like others to treat you in the next relationship. Know your relationship needs, and you'll be on the road to attracting an intimate, loving, romantic relationship. These are just a few ways to get over your ex. This is a complex issue, and worthy of a much deeper discussion. If you have other tips to share on how you got over an ex, I'd love to hear your thoughts below.
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