Are you getting that panicky feeling that your new guy is about to fly the coop? Here's what to do.
Does this sound familiar? You’re excited to finally find someone you like after a bit of a dating hiatus. It’s so wonderful to connect with someone again. You talk, see each other regularly and are off to a great start.
Then, a few weeks in, you feel him pulling away. The panic sets in, and you have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You find yourself wondering when or if he will call and wracking your brain to figure out what you’ve done wrong so that you can save this once-promising relationship.
This happens so often. Early dating is a challenging time. You don’t know each other very well yet, and you definitely don’t know if he is right for you. All you have to go on is some attraction, a few hours spent together, perhaps some emails, texts and phone conversations. You’re not exactly strangers anymore, but it’s not an established relationship yet.
The first few weeks after you meet someone new are an opportunity to discover each other and determine whether or not there is potential for a deeper connection. Early dating is the time to see if you want to take things further, not batten down the hatches and hold on for dear life.
Making sure that you’re on the same page, moving slowly and having a large dose of compassion for yourself will help you navigate the uncertainty of early dating.
1. Make sure you’re on the same page relationship-wise within the first date or two.
After that, the waters can become a bit muddied with attraction, and you can start to become emotionally attached to someone who may not want any of the things that you want in a relationship.
Do yourself a favor, and determine whether or not you have the same relationship goals as this person. The best way to do this is to ask open-ended questions during the first few dates and listen to what he says. Then, believe him. If he says something that does not align with what you want, don’t sugar-coat it or ignore it.
2. Move slowly.
Don’t put too much pressure on this brand new connection. It’s easy to get excited when you meet someone you really like, but try to enjoy just getting to know him. It’s almost always better to hold off on sex. When in doubt, wait. When not in doubt, wait a bit anyway.
There’s always time for sex once you’re sure that everything else is working. Physical intimacy, heavy conversations and drama put a lot of pressure on a new relationship with someone you barely know.
You don’t need to have super intimate conversations with someone you’ve just met in the name of honesty or transparency. You can and should take your time. It’s not playing games; it’s being smart.
3. Be compassionate with yourself.
If the relationship does not work out, learn what you can, and move on. Don’t flagellate yourself for everything that happened in the relationship and agonize over everything you did or said. You are always doing the best you can, and you have infinite value despite the opinion of some guy you met a few weeks ago.
It’s not your job to make sure that every man you date falls head over heels in love with you. It won’t matter if you’re not head over heels in love with you! If you aren’t, do something about that now. Confidence and self-love will serve you much better than trying to make things work out with every man you date.
Making sure that you have common relationship goals, taking time to get to know a man and flat-out adoring yourself will revolutionize your love life. These are simple, understandable concepts that will greatly increase your happiness in your love life.
If this post resonated with you, and you'd like to know more, click here. I work with successful, intelligent women who know better than to leave finding love to chance. Love is worth reaching for. You can have it. I can help.