If you are considering moving in with your partner before marriage, there are many things to consider. On the positive side, if you move in with that person, you will really get to see who you are with and all of their habits before you marry him/her. This way, when or if you get to marriage, there will be no disappointments or surprises.
In living together, you will have learned how your partner operates around money, chores and daily responsibilities. Still, sometimes living together delays the option of marriage even longer because really, what is the rush? You are living together, so you are having the experience of being married, and so it can take longer to get to that marital destination. This usually creates conflict for at least one partner. Should We Live Together Before We Get Married?
So, before you decide to live together, consider the following issues:
1. Is marriage your ultimate goal? If marriage is what you ultimately want, make sure to have this discussion so expectations are clear before you decide to live together. Also, create a time frame for which you will like to be moving toward marriage so the living together does not put a delay on the goal.
If you have a lot of anxiety about getting married and taking this first step, it is best to live separately until each of you feels sure about your decisions for the future.
2. Discover your differences. If you choose to live together, it will be an emotional journey of discovering your differences. The honeymoon phase will move into the negotiating phase with both having equal value. Working through differences is the quickest way to humility, working together and cooperating. There is nothing more growth-promoting than these three emotional processes.
When fear and defensiveness come up around these differences, it is best to write your feelings and issues of concern down so you can go into a conversation intelligently rather than emotionally. Writing things down helps to recognize your and your partner's patterns, and it helps to solidify the more serious issues in the relationship. As you get clear and you approach these differences intelligently, the space is created for a productive conversation.
The best strategy for working through differences is listening. If you cannot listen you cannot grow or move through your issues. This is a skill that has to be practiced by both. Without listening there can be no genuine understanding.
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