What They Don't Tell You About Moving In Together

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living together
It sounds like a good idea, but the red eye to heartbreak is fueled with sweet nothings.

There are only two reasons why I'd move in and live with another girlfriend. We're married and determined to fill a sweatshop with our nimble-fingered love critters. Or she cracks me in the head with a shovel, sews my mouth shut, replaces my eyeballs with marbles, and sits my stuffed body in the corner. Whatever you do, don't move in with your boyfriend. What? It's too late? Sweet Zeus, Odin, and Quetzalcoatl, winged serpent god of the Aztecs! I hope your cohabitation doesn't end the way two (two!) of mine did – with helicopters launching off the roof amidst tornadoes of debris and smoke, a single individual hanging off the skids, flipping the bird to the person whose name is on the lease. The Frisky: Girl Talk: Is It Bad To Live Together Before Marriage?

There are plenty of good reasons to move in with your significant other. For a man, the primary benefit is that the place where he lives suddenly smells great, like lilacs, and fresh meadows and Care Bear farts. Curtains magically appear, throw rugs sprout, and bed linens are soft enough to butter muffins with. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there with stylishly furnished apartments and houses, but I'm missing that chromosome. To me, "Ikea" is just Swedish for "International House of Tiny Meatballs." I could make a fortune if I opened a store for bachelors called "Foam Block Depot," where a single man could purchase all kinds of large-, medium-, and small-sized foam blocks that he could stack into couches, beds, tables and chairs. Spill-proof, soft yet firm, and totally utilitarian – they'd come in two colors, "industrial" and "medium-rare." The Frisky: Three Questions To Ask Yourself Before Moving In Together

 

Another positive reason to move in with the girlfriend is that it allows both parties to sample domestic bliss. In both instances of living with a girlfriend, I was surprised at how pleasurable it was to get home from work before her and to start making her favorite dinner. Or how Sunday mornings were easy, just like the song. There was even a Zen-like comfort in tackling chores together – I'd take out the trash; she'd do the dishes; we'd both read trashy horror novels while we did our laundry. But this seemingly mature merger of two adults in love was illusory, as I was out of my depths. In both instances, I made a major commitment without seriously considering the responsibilities. The Frisky: Dating Don'ts: How Not To Move In Together

I have moved in with girlfriends, and we've both kidded ourselves that it was to save money, that our marriage playacting was a smart financial move—it wasn't and isn't. This is probably one of the worst lies couples tell themselves when shacking up. If you want to save money, get a roommate. Bind yourself to a lease with someone you aren't emotionally bound to, as money is a landmine in the intoxicating poppy field of romance. The saving money rationale is a smokescreen obscuring what was probably an impulsive decision made while freebasing love, pheromones, and giddy optimism. And speaking of those three: living together is the fastest way to go from Friday-night sex to Friday-night carbo loading. The Frisky: MERRIme, A Web Comedy About Online Dating

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