Watch what they do, not just what they say…
I fell in love with my husband when I heard him sing the gentle lyrics to a Yiddish song on the soundtrack of The Schindler’s List. I also fell in love with him the night I fainted from a lack of food and liquids due to complications from strep throat, which turned into a peritonsillar abscess.
He fought to get me admitted to the hospital, despite our bad HMO at the time, and he even braved the deadly cold Chicago “hawk” of a winter’s wind on Michigan Avenue at around 3 in the morning to get to Walgreen’s to fill my prescription.
Those are the actions of a giver. And it’s not always about giving money—although that can be a supremely altruistic thing. For example, you hear about a guy like Mark Curry donating $10,000 to help an organization and it makes you think of philanthropy.
Giving time, money and talent
Being a giver can traverse a person’s business world and their personal life. Giving itself can take on a number of different faces. Perhaps a rich person gives lots of money—and folks might claim that’s an easy thing, because they’re rich and won’t miss it.
But that same person who gives $100,000 to charity today could’ve likely been the same one who gave a $10 bill to a friend in need when it was their last 10 bucks years ago.
It’s all about the intention and the heart—and that’s why it’s so important to examine a person’s actions and motives before tying the knot, if possible. Some folks can talk a good game, and speak loudly from their own bully pulpits about just how much they give to others and how pure their hearts are.
However, when the curtains are pulled back and the great Wizard of Oz is revealed, a much different image appears. Instead, look to those folks who have real compassion for others, and are willing to spend quality time in conversations with those who need and love that “love language.”
Or perhaps they are the type with little money, but they are willing to share their talents with others. They might be a singer blessed with a beautiful voice who uses it to cheer up nursing home residents.
Lastly, they might be the kind who really does have a lot of money, and uses it in quiet ways to bless—not manipulate—others. They might take the time to listen and learn that one of their child’s favorite teachers is having car trouble, so they anonymously slide an envelope and a heartfelt card with a $5,000 Visa debit card inside onto her chair.
Why is it important to think of others more highly than ourselves, and look for those types to fall in love with? Because it can save us a lifetime of pain. Being married to a selfish person isn’t worth the toil and trouble that comes along with such a soul.