Blindsided by a man’s recent request for space? Was everything going well in the relationship, and then-- BAM!— one argument lead to him distancing himself? When he pulls back, it can be feel terrifying and heartbreaking. I should know; I’ve been involved in quite a few dating relationships where men have pulled back.
The good news is that you aren’t totally powerless. You can empower yourself to take an effective course of action and speak with him in a way that will leave him wondering if he’s made the right choice in pushing you away.
Handle Yourself With Calm Dignity When He Pulls Back
Having dignity when communicating your feelings isn’t about lying and pretending you are okay to save face. It’s not about acting aloof or indifferent to his distancing. Having dignity is about having the confidence to be honest and vulnerable without being needy.
When he pulls back, it’s important you speak with him to tell him the truth about how you feel. Don’t just let him go quietly off into the night if you know that you’re going to feel a lack of closure while he takes space.
If you are angry, scared, sad, emotionally shattered… tell him. Tell him exactly what’s going on with you. Not only do you need to get out your feelings to him before it’s too late, he needs to see you right now as a tender, soft and vulnerable woman who has emotional depth and deep passion. He needs to see that you are brave enough to show him your true feelings and to express yourself freely and fluidly.
Do so without trying to pull him toward you. Do so without acting destitute, accusatory or desperate. There’s a difference between, “I feel sad, betrayed and angry that you are taking space but I will respect your wishes” and “I don’t know if I’m going to be okay without you,” or “Whatever! I don't want to be with you anyway [when you know this isn't true]!”
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Take The Time To Think About What You Want & Who You Are
When he pulls back, it’s your time to have an intimate relationship with yourself. Think of his taking space as a chance to self-reflect and decide if you really do want to be with him.
Self-Reflection When He Pulls Back
Do you like who you are as a girlfriend? As a woman? Do you feel dignified and proud of the way you’ve acted in the relationship? Forget about what he says about you or what you think he needs (stop analyzing him) and instead take the time when he pulls back to evaluate yourself in a healthy way.
Evaluating yourself as a girlfriend, friend, lover, confidante, intimate partner, etc. is not about beating up on yourself. You’re already feeling down and in the muck. This is simply a chance to show yourself that you actually do have a lot of worth and things to offer any man if you look closely. It’s also a way for you to feel proactive about your love life, giving yourself something to improve upon while feeling totally out of control when it comes to him.
Maybe you’ll realize some surprising things. Maybe you’ll see that your main problem as a girlfriend is that you pick “limited” men or that you stay in sour relationships too long. Maybe it’s not about you having flaws but you coveting and nurturing flawed relationships.
Do You Really Want To Be With Him?
When he pulls back it automatically makes us want him more. We strap on our fighting gear and we do what it takes to win his heart once more. But the truth is that a lot of women (I have this problem too) would rather fight for love (at least we feel more comfortable doing so) than be in love.
I struggled for years with intimacy issues and if you find that you burn way too much of your mental and emotional energy on unrequited love with men when they pull back, you probably have intimacy issues, too.
Be honest with yourself: Are you more in love with him now that he pulls back? Do you know he’s the one only now that he's pulled back, when before you weren’t sure? Do you really think that him pulling back is about the relationship or is it that he has some emotional unavailability that you can’t allow yourself to accept?
You live one life. Do you want to spend it wondering and worrying if a man will love you again? This is an especially good question if you’ve only been dating him six months or so. If you’re married to him for years, perhaps your relationship just needs a wake-up call and a little CPR. It all depends. However, the important thing now is not him; it’s you and your sense of self-worth and emotional security with or without him.
Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You to learn more about how to communicate with men like an enchantress. The eBook is all about feeling empowered while in powerless situations with men. It’s about how to be vulnerable, sensual, sexy, light, fun, emotionally full and alive in the presence of a man without losing a drip of dignity or an ounce of independence! My Enchantress Secrets will show you exactly how to be the woman who never doubts how to handle herself, even when he pulls back!