If you follow me online, you know that I have a messy past with men. I was married, divorced, a friend with benefits, a doormat, a first date more times than I’d like to count, and the victim of a man who needed a lot of space all the time. Basically, I spent too many years meeting the wrong men, acting the wrong ways and feeling the wrong things about myself. I knew absolutely nothing about Empowered Dating.
However, the weird part was that I wasn’t a weak and stupid woman. I was a smart woman. I was also a pretty, funny, fun and nice woman. I had lots of friends, a good job, and a nice home… I was successful in life in a lot of ways. So how come I was so freakin’ unsuccessful in love?
The kinds of things that matter in love aren’t necessarily the things that matter when it comes to having a great career or a busy social calendar. Once I understood the things that did matter, I was able to find a great guy who still loves me to this day.
If my story sounds annoyingly familiar, here are some of my Empowered Dating tips to help you with finding Mr. Right and ditching heartburn once and for all:
Empowered Dating Tip #1: Be the Leaf on a River of Men
I love a good challenge and I have great problem solving skills. These traits have been very helpful in my professional life, but very unhelpful in my dating life.
I always treated men like projects—trying to fix, change, save and domesticate them. The problem is that a man isn’t a roadblock at the office. A man is his own person and only he can make the decision to commit, be accountable, treat you right, work on keeping the passion in the connection, etc.
As much as you’d love to have the power to steer him on the life-road of your choosing, it’s not up to you. Attempting this is only going to cause you heartburn and snatch away a lot of your baby-making years.
With men, you have to stop looking for the challenge and go with the flow of the dating world. If it feels natural, easy, cozy, kind, sweet, tender, calm, safe (heck, almost boring), then you’re in the position for love to blossom.
Once you are resisting the message that a man is sending you, and that the universe is sending you about a man, you’re playing power games and your chances for a happy love life have gone “Poof!”