Want Her Back? Make Her Remember Why She Loves You

By

sad-dogs
Hint: It doesn't include changing your favorite movie to "The Notebook."

Maybe you've tried apologizing, promising to change, telling her how sorry you are, etc. There's a surprising reason none of those things work, and when you know it, you know how to get your ex girlfriend back and make her want you more than she ever did before.

Let's say you and I are friends. At first, we hang out because we like enough of the same things, but we both learn something from the other. For example, you are really into fishing, and I've always been interested in it. I'm interested in Beethoven and you think that's nerdy, but cool. In other words, we are two individuals that share interests. By being friends, the circles of our lives are made larger, so to speak.

 

Now let's say after a while, we get into an argument and you're mad at me. To win your friendship again, all I do is go fishing with you, or listen to whatever music you want, or do whatever you want to do.

Would that make you like me more? Or would it make you find me somewhat contemptible?

The more I abandon my individuality in order to win your approval, the less you want to spend time with me, right?

The same results happen after a breakup. She's mad; she broke up with you, and she says she doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. It seems reasonable to give in, to apologize, to even beg her to come back, especially when your heart feels like it's been ripped out of your chest and stomped into tiny bits.

But this is where the greatest courage is required. Because in order to change her mind, first you have to change her mood. The courage to stand up to that feeling of having your heart ripped out of your chest and stay focused on the goal: to get your ex girlfriend back. This can be very difficult. Fortunately, since you're a man, you have that courage at your disposal.

The secret is to change her mood then change her mind. How do you do it? Feelings, like the flu, are contagious. If you are spending time with someone in a great mood, you feel good. If you are with someone who's down in the dumps, it's easy for their pseudodepression to rub off on you.

When you want to get your ex girlfriend back, she's afraid. If you spent any length of time together, she's afraid of getting back together, afraid of losing you. She's indecisive, and not really sure what to do.

You need to be sure. You need to stand up and with that indomitable courage, see past her emotions that frighten you to the goal you want. Think of her emotions of anger and bitterness as the guardians at the castle to her heart that you must disarm before the doors are opened.

Yes, there are times when you should apologize. And yes, there are times when you should take an honest look at your actions and realize the effect they have had on your girlfriend. And in the cases where you've been wrong, it is right for you to take the actions that will reflect your true love and respect for her.

But you must not sacrifice who you are, or put your decisions in her hands. You must not give up all you are in order to get your ex girlfriend back because she would be getting back a shell of a man who doesn't even interest her anymore. In the same way you wouldn't want me following you around going fishing and listening to your music all the time, she doesn't want you to do just anything to get her back.

Women are attracted to men who have a strong sense of self and a strong sense of values. If you misplaced them somewhere along the way in your relationship, the first step isn't to apologize to her; the first step to get your ex girlfriend back is to find the guy she fell in love with again. Then reintroduce her to him.

To discover the steps you can take to get your ex girlfriend back, click here.

More about Breakups on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Michael Griswold

Relationship Coach

Michael Griswold

To Get Help With Your Relationship Now, Click Here...

Location: Norfolk, VA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Michael Griswold:

The #1 Thing You Need To Know If You REALLY Want Your Ex Back

By

So, you and your girlfriend broke up. Is it possible that she may still be desperate for you to "win her back" — even though she swears she's done? Yes, it is. Maybe she said it's over. Maybe she said she doesn't love you anymore. Or maybe (if she's really mad) she said she never loved you at all. And now? Now ... Read more

6 Obvious Signs Your Ex Wants To Get Back Together

By

Ah, yea ol' breakup: a time to fret, to sulk, and to ponder the could of, should of, would of been. To put it frankly, breakups suck. They leave us feeling sad, hopeless, and frustrated about the time we have wasted. But, as awful as they may be, breakups do hold one secret that not everyone seems to know about: they aren't final. Some of us, of ... Read more

The Secret To Happiness Is "An Imagination Machine"?

By

Step with me into the Imagination Machine for a moment and learn how to be happy. As you do, imagine: That you feel really happy. Your heart feels light, as if it's buzzing and a smile is on your face. That all of your bills are paid, and your ATM slip says that you have $53,532.47 in your account. That you are wildly, passionately ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular