Maybe you've tried apologizing, promising to change, telling her how sorry you are, etc. There's a surprising reason none of those things work, and when you know it, you know how to get your ex girlfriend back and make her want you more than she ever did before.
Let's say you and I are friends. At first, we hang out because we like enough of the same things, but we both learn something from the other. For example, you are really into fishing, and I've always been interested in it. I'm interested in Beethoven and you think that's nerdy, but cool. In other words, we are two individuals that share interests. By being friends, the circles of our lives are made larger, so to speak.
Now let's say after a while, we get into an argument and you're mad at me. To win your friendship again, all I do is go fishing with you, or listen to whatever music you want, or do whatever you want to do.
Would that make you like me more? Or would it make you find me somewhat contemptible?
The more I abandon my individuality in order to win your approval, the less you want to spend time with me, right?
The same results happen after a breakup. She's mad; she broke up with you, and she says she doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. It seems reasonable to give in, to apologize, to even beg her to come back, especially when your heart feels like it's been ripped out of your chest and stomped into tiny bits.
But this is where the greatest courage is required. Because in order to change her mind, first you have to change her mood. The courage to stand up to that feeling of having your heart ripped out of your chest and stay focused on the goal: to get your ex girlfriend back. This can be very difficult. Fortunately, since you're a man, you have that courage at your disposal.
The secret is to change her mood then change her mind. How do you do it? Feelings, like the flu, are contagious. If you are spending time with someone in a great mood, you feel good. If you are with someone who's down in the dumps, it's easy for their pseudodepression to rub off on you.
When you want to get your ex girlfriend back, she's afraid. If you spent any length of time together, she's afraid of getting back together, afraid of losing you. She's indecisive, and not really sure what to do.
You need to be sure. You need to stand up and with that indomitable courage, see past her emotions that frighten you to the goal you want. Think of her emotions of anger and bitterness as the guardians at the castle to her heart that you must disarm before the doors are opened.
Yes, there are times when you should apologize. And yes, there are times when you should take an honest look at your actions and realize the effect they have had on your girlfriend. And in the cases where you've been wrong, it is right for you to take the actions that will reflect your true love and respect for her.
But you must not sacrifice who you are, or put your decisions in her hands. You must not give up all you are in order to get your ex girlfriend back because she would be getting back a shell of a man who doesn't even interest her anymore. In the same way you wouldn't want me following you around going fishing and listening to your music all the time, she doesn't want you to do just anything to get her back.
Women are attracted to men who have a strong sense of self and a strong sense of values. If you misplaced them somewhere along the way in your relationship, the first step isn't to apologize to her; the first step to get your ex girlfriend back is to find the guy she fell in love with again. Then reintroduce her to him.
To discover the steps you can take to get your ex girlfriend back, click here.
More about Breakups on YourTango: