5 Reasons To Stop Being Angry At Your Ex


angry black woman
It's bad to be bitter about a breakup. Here's why.

Nine times out of 10 my clients are angry and hurt because they feel betrayed by their exes. However, it's really important to let go of the bitterness because the only person it really hurts is you. Here's how:

1. You won't find inner peace. When we feel betrayed, we implicitly believe that we, ourselves would have never have done what was done to us. You grapple with the question "How could he have ever treated me that way?" However, your ex is just a mirror of you. What you judge in him is usually an indication that you are judging yourself.

So, instead of blaming him, take responsibility. Whenever you are inclined to say "He is so [fill in the blank]," say "We are so [fill in the blank" instead. sSee if you can find at least five examples of traits you dislike about your ex that you possess yourself. Then, aim to change them in you.

2. You will have a toxic body. Holding onto negative emotions takes more energy than letting them go. People who hold onto bitterness will usually find they have less energy than those who don't.

Imagine for a moment that each factor that causes you bitterness is a heavy rock on your shoulder. Would you feel weighed down if you keep on piling on the rocks? Of course you would.

Carrying these emotions around will weaken and build up toxins in your body as it releases adrenalin — which when maintained over a long period of time, suppresses the immune system, impairs digestion, uses up vital vitamins and minerals, causes pain and stiffness and makes your boy acidic which results in inflammation. Instead, find a way to purge your emotions by hitting a pillow, going outside and screaming your lungs out.

3. Bitterness prolongs your suffering. If you focus on what your ex has done to you, you aren't living in the present, which practically guarantees depression. Living in the present is where you will experience the greatest amount of joy, and it is here where the suffering stops. Keep reading ...

To find out how he can stop having power over you, connect with Marina.

For a limited time only, receive our free eBook, Break Up With Your Ex (a $5 value), yours free when you sign up for YourTango's free, daily newsletter.

Get even more insights about how (and why) to ditch your "type" and free yourself from unhealthy attachments -- so you can finally find the love of your life.

More dating after divorce advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Marina Pearson

Relationship Coach

Marina Pearson

Goodbye Mr Ex - Express Release and Move On

Want to get over an ex? Does your ex still push those buttons?

Then lets have a chat

That will take you from powerless to powerful and set you free.

Location: Ware, HRT, United Kingdom
Credentials: MA
Other Articles/News by Marina Pearson:

Just Do It: How To Stop Being Afraid Of Breaking Up


Are you one of the many people ready to leave a relationship but either afraid of what the future will hold for you if you do leave, or guily over leaving your partner? What would it be like if you could leave without the guilt and fear? How do you think you would feel? Having worked with clients who found themselves in this predicament, I can tell you that ... Read more

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? 5 Ways To Decide To Breakup


In my coaching practice, I often come across women who are really confused and stuck as to whether they should stay or go in a relationship. Instead of making a decision, they waiver from wanting to leave,  succumbing to their fear of what would happen if they did leave and finally wanting to avoid the guilt of making the first move. I have been there ... Read more

Single On Valentine's Day And Loathing It? 5 Ways To Get Happy


Valentine's day is looming. And for some it's a day full of candles and romanitc cards but for others it can exacerbate the feeling of loneliness and insecurity. This article is for you if you find yourself alone on that day and wishing you weren't, with some reminders for you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, the light is ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.