Nine times out of 10 my clients are angry and hurt because they feel betrayed by their exes. However, it's really important to let go of the bitterness because the only person it really hurts is you. Here's how: 1. You won't find inner peace. When we feel betrayed, we implicitly believe that we, ourselves would have never have done what was done to us. You grapple with the question "How could he have ever treated me that way?" However, your ex is just a mirror of you. What you judge in him is usually an indication that you are judging yourself. So, instead of blaming him , take responsibility. Whenever you are inclined to say "He is so [fill in the blank]," say "We are so [fill in the blank" instead. sSee if you can find at least five examples of traits you dislike about your ex that you possess yourself. Then, aim to change them in you. 2. You will have a toxic body. Holding onto negative emotions takes more energy than letting them go. People who hold onto bitterness will usually find they have less energy than those who don't. Imagine for a moment that each factor that causes you bitterness is a heavy rock on your shoulder. Would you feel weighed down if you keep on piling on the rocks? Of course you would. Carrying these emotions around will weaken and build up toxins in your body as it releases adrenalin — which when maintained over a long period of time, suppresses the immune system, impairs digestion, uses up vital vitamins and minerals, causes pain and stiffness and makes your boy acidic which results in inflammation. Instead, find a way to purge your emotions by hitting a pillow, going outside and screaming your lungs out. 3. Bitterness prolongs your suffering. If you focus on what your ex has done to you, you aren't living in the present, which practically guarantees depression. Living in the present is where you will experience the greatest amount of joy, and it is here where the suffering stops. Keep reading ... To find out how he can stop having power over you, connect with Marina. For a limited time only, receive our free eBook, Break Up With Your Ex (a $5 value), yours free when you sign up for YourTango's free, daily newsletter . Get even more insights about how (and why) to ditch your "type" and free yourself from unhealthy attachments -- so you can finally find the love of your life. More dating after divorce advice from YourTango: /node/152235 /node/140592 /node/156556 Suffering is caused by your mind attaching itself to the story you have told yourself. If you keep holding onto the bitterness, the story will ensue and so will your obsession. Instead, change your story. Give it a positive meaning so you can shorten and reduce your suffering. 4. It will be more difficult to attract a new relationship. If you hold onto bitterness, it will be more difficult to attract a new relationship because the attachment to your ex blocks the energy of receiving someone new into your life. Holding onto the past is like buying new clothes and not being able to fit them in your closet because all your old clothes take up all the room. The only way to fit the new clothes in the wardrobe is to clear out the old. The same is true for letting in a new relationship. So, let go and make way for the new. 5. You will ruin your next relationship. Without healing the wounds of the past, you will be more likely to carry your negative feelings into your next relationship. It will also make it more challenging to receive love from your new partner because you are still protecting yourself from the past. To find out how you can shorten your suffering for free, connect with Marina! To find peace, connect with Marina Pearson at www.DivorceShift.com/GoodbyeMrEx
