Do you think all single men are the same? Being a dating coach for 10 years now, I have noticed a trend that troubles me. Many women who are dating after a divorce (or any time) don't respect men. They don't value, like or appreciate men. You can tell by how they speak about men — both the new men they meet, and the ones from their past. 5 Ways To Feel Dateable After Divorce
This is understandable. Divorce is very hard, and many women have been hurt, disappointed, cheated on, controlled and/or lied to. As a result, they expect men not to be good people. I'm also going to put some blame on TV, movies and the media, too. Yet, these are the same women who are dating after divorce and want to find a loving man as a romantic partner.
Man-bashing is a problem of tremendous proportions for four main reasons: (1) If you don't like, respect or appreciate men, why do you want one in your life? This creates an unresolved conflict within your mind; (2) If you generalize that all men are awful, you lump the good with the bad, and limit your opportunities; (3) If you talk negatively about men as a source of entertainment with your girlfriends, you reinforce that there are no good men. This belief gets into your subconscious mind, and influences your experiences; (4) Your belief that there are no good men becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Man-bashing prevents you from finding love. It's the human condition to want to be right. So, when you believe all men are trouble, you look for evidence to support this so you can be right. You point it out to a friend after a first date saying, "The guy was a jerk just like all the other guys." Does that sound familiar? You have just made your point again — there aren't any good single men.
So I ask you: Do you think this belief is serving your quest to find a decent man to love? Nope! But it sure will perpetuate your experience that all men are unworthy and can't be trusted. Can this really be true of all men? Do all men deserve this treatment? If you are at all interested in truth, you can't honestly believe all men are bad. Some, but not all.
More dating advice from YourTango:
- Ladies, You Need To Watch Out For These Online Dating Red Flags
- 7 Signs He Wants To Kiss You Right. This. Second.
- 30 Dating Habits You Need To Lose By Age 30 (Part 1)