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8 Secrets For Surviving Divorce


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It won't be easy, but you will survive.

There's a fog that comes with divorce that makes just getting through the end of your marriage an accomplishment unto itself. Don't underestimate or discount that accomplishment  it may not qualify you for "most powerful in business" but it could jut meet Sheryl Sandberg's call to "lean in."

Ask anyone who's been through divorce what it's like and they'll likely recount a loss of sleep, irritability, forgetfulness, tears, inability to function and sadness — sometimes all at once, sometimes sequentially, and that's on top of the never-ending list of chores and tasks triggered by the legal process, maybe finding somewhere new to live and maybe finding a new job. You can probably add a few of your own. So how do you get through it?

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1. Acknowledge what's going on. The end of your marriage probably means changes in virtually every part of your life. All of that creates uncertainty which is unsettling. Think about how you felt when just one part of your life changed in the past, such as searching for a new job or finding a new a place to live. What you're going through now is on a much larger scale. That's a lot for your mind and body to cope with.

2. Get medical help. While everything you're feeling could be explained by the changes in your life, it's also important to rule out any medical reasons or identify ones that could be improved with treatment. For example, your sadness could be depression which is common with divorce. You have several options for managing that yourself but there is no shame in getting help and using medication.

Your irritability could be tied to your sleeplessness and if you're approaching menopause these may be aggravated by the hormonal changes going on. If you find yourself reaching for a glass of wine every night because it's been a tough day, you're self-medicating. It's definitely time to see your doctor.

3. Don't try to remember everything. There's only so much information your short-term memory can hold. If you try to put too much there, it's going to fail. It's a bit like working on a computer that doesn't have enough memory. If you're trying to remember everything you need to do, it simply isn't going to work. So don't even try.

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Keep a running list of your tasks. I put tasks as appointments on my Google calendar and then tell it to send me a text reminder before the deadline. If it's really important I'll have Google send me several reminders. I also use the reminder function on my phone. Keep reading ...

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