I'm Sorry: 25 Ways To Apologize To Yourself
By Lyndsay Katauskas. Posted on .
Part of finding more dates is getting right with yourself. If you're too busy listening to the conversations in your head, then chances are that opportunities are passing you by right and left. If you are stuck on past failed attempts, how can you be successful at talking to the person right in front of you? When you engage in these destructive behaviors, your relationships continue to suffer.
Find a quiet place, and dedicate an hour or so to working through the following letter. Replace hurtful actions with ones that will keep you connected and in the present moment when you are on your dates or in your current relationship. Identify when you've used these listening blocks and destructive behaviors in the past. Empathize by putting yourself in the other person's shoes for what you said or did. Then, wipe the slate clean, apologize, and identify what you will do (i.e. a solution) the next time a similar occasion arises. You have the choice. Healthy Relationships: Differentiation Of Self
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Below is a template for writing an apology letter to yourself so that you can work through your fears. The first 12 are listening blocks and the last 13 are destructive behaviors to heal and re-focus on getting more of what you want: more dates so you can find someone that's compatible for you. Even in the healthiest of relationships, we have all caved into these undermining actions, whether it was due to stress, anxiety, boredom, or fear. Take a moment to forgive yourself and figure out a solution before you cave next time.
Dear Self,
1. I apologize for comparing, such as when I ___________. Looking back, if I were on the receiving end of what I said, it would have made me feel ______________. I now understand my behavior was destructive, because it affected our relationship by ______________. In the future, I will instead do ______________. Stop Playing The Comparison Game!
2. I apologize for rehearsing what I was going to say, instead of actively listening to what you had to say, such as when I ______________. Looking back, if I were on the receiving end of what I said, it would have made me feel ______________. I now understand my behavior was destructive, because it affected our relationship by ______________. In the future, I will instead do ______________.
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3. I apologize for filtering, only paying attention to ____'s emotional state, such as when I ______________. Looking back, if I were on the receiving end of what I said, it would have made me feel ______________. I now understand my behavior was destructive, because it affected our relationship by ______________. In the future, I will instead do ______________.
4. I apologize for judging before I actually heard and evaluated the contents of the message, such as when I ___________. Looking back, if I were on the receiving end of what I said, it would have made me feel ______________. I now understand my behavior was destructive, because it affected our relationship by ______________. In the future, I will instead do ______________. Quiz: What's Your Communication Style?
