Take this test to determine whether you are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive or assertive.
There are four types of communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.
Which one are you?
Take the following quiz to find out.
Mark each statement that describes you.
__I feel anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated, angry at myself and/or others.
__Other people see me as a pushover and that I don’t know what I want or how I stand on an issue.
__If I get my own way, it is by chance.
__I am inhibited.
__I allow others to choose and make decisions for me.
__I am emotionally dishonest.
__Others feel guilty or superior and frustrated with me.
__I am indirect and deny myself.
__My underlying belief is that I should never make someone uncomfortable or displeased except myself.
__The outcome is that others achieve their goals at my expense. My rights are violated.
__I feel confused, unclear on how to feel, I'm angry but not sure why. Later I sometimes feel guilty.
__I manipulate others to choose my way.
__If I don’t get my way I'll make snide comments or pout and be the victim.
__Other people view me in an exchange as someone they need to protect themselves from and they fear being manipulated and controlled.
__I tend towards indirectness with the air of being direct.
__I am self-enhancing but not straight forward about it.
__In win-lose situations I will make the opponent look bad or manipulate it so I win.
__Others feel confused, frustrated, not sure who you are or what you stand for or what to expect next.
__I appear honest but underlying comments confuse the situation.
__My underlying belief is that I need to fight to be heard and respected. If that means I need to manipulate, be passive or aggressive, so be it.
__The outcome is that the goal is avoided or ignored as it causes such confusion or the outcome is the same as with an aggressive or passive style.
__I choose and make decisions for others.
__I am brutally honest.
__Others view me in the exchange as angry, vengeful, distrustful and fearful.
__I am direct and forceful.
__I am self-enhancing and derogatory.
__Others feel humiliated, defensive, resentful and hurt around me.
__I'll participate in a win-lose situation only if I'll win.
__I demand my own way.
__I feel righteous, superior, and controlling; later I may feel guilty.
__My underlying belief system is that I have to put others down to protect myself.
__The outcome is usually that my goal is achieved at the expense of others. My rights are upheld but others are violated.
__I choose and make decisions for me.
__I am sensitive and caring with my honesty.
__I am direct.
__I am self-respecting, self-expressive and straightforward.
__I convert win-lose situations to win-win ones.
__I am willing to compromise and negotiate.
__I feel confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, and valued. Later I may feel a sense of accomplishment.
__Others feel valued and respected.
__Others view me with respect, trust and understand where I stand.
__The outcome is determined by above-board negotiation. My rights and others are respected.
__My underlying belief is that I have a responsibility to protect my own rights. I respect others, but not necessarily their behavior.
Now go back and tally up the results for each section. The section that has the most marked/circled items is your primary communication style.
Section A is passive communication. Section B is passive-aggressive communication. Section C is aggressive communication. Section D is assertive communication. The great news is that everyone can become more assertive in their communication style. The first way you do this is to own your own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Moment to moment, choose to act with kindness and the belief that you are responsible for interacting with tact and being non-judgmental in order to respect yourself and o. When you operate from this premise, regardless of how the other person chooses behave, you will be set up for success because you will maintain your integrity.
Sometimes it is difficult to grasp that the only thing you can ever control is yourself. We hold onto the fear that we will be hurt if we engage with anyone who is passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive in their communication behaviors. However, the understanding that each person is only responsible for herself allows us to let go of trying to control outcomes. It enables you to stay in the present moment instead of being waylaid by thoughts about what's happened in the past or what will happen in the future.