It turns out there's something else quite remarkable going on. For the most part, men don't cheat because they want to trade up for a younger, hotter, thinner, blonder babe than you. If the act of cheating is at all about sex for him, it's further down the list than you'd ever imagine. The number one reason whey men cheat (and this comes from men's mouths directly) is a lack of emotional appreciation.
Could it be? Little ol' appreciation — or the lack of it — is behind all the cheating? Unfaithful? Me Too. [VIDEO]
To appreciate means to recognize the full worth or implication of, to be grateful for, and to understand fully. It also means to rise in value or price. Think for a moment when you feel unappreciated. Perhaps you also feel resentful, overwhelmed, angry, taken for granted, or sad. In this state, imagine someone coming to you and saying, "We need to talk," pointing out a way you could do something better, or a way you are messing up.
How would their request land for you? How would you be likely to respond?
Then, think how you feel when you are appreciated. Perhaps you also feel confident and proud, like your tail is wagging. Perhaps you feel like you are doing your thang really well, that what you are contributing makes a difference, and that you matter. In this state, imagine someone coming to you and saying, "We need to talk," pointing out a way you could do something better, or a way you are messing up.
How would their request land for you then? How would you likely respond then?
If we, men and women alike, each had a bank account, but instead of money it contained appreciation, most of us walk around with our bank accounts on empty or even in serious overdraft, and it's nearly impossible to be our best selves in that case. So what's likely going on for that man, right before cheating? An emotional appreciation bank account on overdraft. 5 Ways To Make Your Marriage More Important Than Money
As a broad generality, but one that tracks with my own research and work with clients, men want and need to know they are doing well by the people they care about. They need to know they are winning, not losing. How do they know they are doing well and winning? Well, their partner is happy in general, happy with them and expresses it; these men feel deeply, truly, and on-goingly appreciated.
When men do not feel appreciated — when they feel that what they are doing makes no difference, that they are unable to make you happy and that they are unable to provide what you need, they begin to shut down, tune out, and leave — or cheat.