If you've ever had regrets about what you talked about on first dates, or if you've sabotaged yourself in conversation, you are definitely not alone.
When you find yourself feeling chemistry with someone and would like to continue to get to know one another, there are some definite conversation dos and don'ts to keep in mind. If you progress into a meaningful relationship later, these topics may be appropriate, but if they're brought up too early, they can seriously harm your chances of getting beyond the first several dates.
- Your opinions of your ex or exes. Often, your feelings about your ex are not positive, and telling your new acquaintance that your ex is a penny pinching, lying, selfish, bitter, angry crazy person is not a good way to begin a new relationship. Either avoid all descriptions of your former partner or only state positive attributes.
- Your health problems and surgical history. There may be a time to compare scars later, but initially getting into detail about your irritable bowel, infected toe nail or recent illness may not be a good idea when getting to know a new person. Instead, talk about your favorite type of exercise or alternative health care practice that keeps you in shape and healthy.
- Your list of career accomplishments. With the ease of looking up names on the internet, your date will most likely check up on you at some point and see your accolades. It is often better for them to discover your achievements on their own than for you to rattle off a list of your greatest moments. Instead talk about what you love to do and your passions in a general way.
- Your deep ponderings of the meaning of life. If you go deeply into philosophical ideas and share profound spiritual or religious events and awakenings in your life, you may scare off a nice person who might feel intimidated by your seriousness so early in meeting one another. Later, if the relationship progresses, sharing these experiences may deepen your connection, but initially, you may want to keep the conversation lighter.
- Your thoughts about the book series Fifty Shades of Grey. If you're able to establish physical chemistry and find a mutually enjoyable sexual relationship later, maybe, just maybe bring up your opinion about Fifty Shades of Grey. This book series could be a walking landmine in conversation that is just not necessary to dodge or navigate early in dating.
- The fact that your dog sleeps under the covers with you. Although you might think this fact is cute, your date may not be so enthused. He may even be allergic to pets. Avoid this topic until your date enters your bedroom later on.
- Your opinion of the president and political parties. Politics will most likely come up in conversation at some point, but they can be a hot button for many. If you grow to really like your date and then find out he or she is in a different political party, you may find that a discussion is enlightening, and it may open your mind to different viewpoints. But initially, it can delude your willingness to explore a new relationship.
- Your timeline for your goal of getting married. If you do have a goal to get married or re-married, save it for later. The first three dates are for light and fun conversation — and dropping the topic of marriage or re-marriage into it will most likely be a detriment. Save this topic for the three-month mark, or better yet the two-year anniversary of dating if it goes that far.
Keep your first three dates light. Enjoy conversations that explore passions such as travel, favorite movies and music, sports and activities, food and fun. There is plenty of time to go deeper if you surpass the third date mark, which is often a tipping point of moving forward or moving on. And don't forget to have fun!
If you liked this article, it likely resonated with you. You may also like the article, First Date Advice And First Date Etiquette also written on YourTango.
Let's connect on Facebook or Twitter and I'll share more healthy dating and relationship tips with you. And learn more about me and the books I have written by visiting my website: www.LisaJShultz.com.
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