There is much buzz around E.L. James' book Fifty Shades of Grey. I have read the trilogy, and I think that men can learn a few lessons from it. The main character, Christian Grey, is a young, sexy and attractive billionaire who has a passion for sex. Regardless of their financial situtations, men all over the country can be just like Christian Grey. Here's how:
1. Foreplay. Let's start with the sex because that is what many think this series is about. Foreplay is critical to a woman's sexual appetite. By foreplay, I am not talking about grabbing your partners' breasts or swatting her on the behind. Foreplay can begin with a smoldering look, a love note in the morning or a suggestive phone call at lunch.
Take the time to have your woman anticipating the sexual event as something carnal. Let her know you are thinking about her and how you want her to feel when you make love to her later. When the time comes for lovemaking, take your time prepping her body. It really is true that men are microwaves and women are crockpots. A woman needs time for her bodies to be ready to receive her man.
Take the time to prep her, make her beg you to enter and then satisfy her before you reach your climax. Christian Grey always makes his woman, Anastasia, believe he is totally captivated and under her spell. He puts her pleasure before his own.
2. Be knowledgeable about sex. Women are happy to surrender themselves to a sexual partner who knows what he is doing in the bedroom. Yes, there is missionary-style sex and it definitely has a place in the lovemaking arena. However, women are willing to experiment with sex provided that the anticipated pleasure is shared.
The problem is many men are interested in experimenting for their own pleasure, but do not stop to create pleasure for their mate. Take time to educate yourself. I just googled "how to satisfy a woman sexually" and found 1,280,000 results. There is no shortage of information. Some will work, while others may not. When you want to try something new, ask your partner for permission. Learn her likes and dislikes. Repeat her likes often and discontinue her dislikes.
3. Make her the center of your universe. You do not have to be a billionaire to pull this tip off. A woman likes to know that your sun rises and sets on her. She wants to be your everything. Do not allow distractions to come between the two of you during your quality time together. Constantly create opportunities for you to honor and appreciate one another.
Put the kids to bed and display your gratitude to the woman who loves you madly, forsakes all others, contributes to the family income, keeps the home in order, bears your children and generally puts up with all of your idiosyncrasies. Her presence in your life is a miracle. Take the time to appreciate that wonder and let her know how important she is and she will be stripping her clothes off in no time.
4. Possession. Despite bra burning and the womens equality movement, most women still want to be possessed and protected by a strong man. It is a feral instinct. But there is a fine line between possession for a woman's safety and possession for control. No woman wants to be controlled by a man, but we will welcome his possession on two conditions.
The first condition is that he is possessing her because the thought of losing her is unbearable. He needs to keep a woman safe and protect her. The second condition is that the ownership goes both ways. This is no time for double standards. If a man is going to possess a woman, he must also concede that she possesses him as well.
5. The fine art of negotiation. Anastasia is often very frustrating to Christian, as he is to her. They are able to express this frustration, give their underlying reasons for it and then create a solution that works for both. Occasionally, it means one admits they are wrong and makes an adjustment to their behavior. But, this often means really getting to the core of what the problem is, identifying what each person really wants, and reaching an agreement that works for both parties.
This is something every woman wants. When you are frustrated with something she does, do not just get mad. Explain why you are upset and what the underlying fear is. Talk it out. Be open to hearing why it is important to her. Then, taking both of your desires into account, work to create a solution that satisfies you both.
Men, get busy and happy reading!