Through my coaching practice, I have been seeing and helping so many women dealing with what they think as emotional unavailability in a man. In fact I just wrote an ebook dealing with this very pertinent issue: how to date emotionally unavailable guys and come out on top. I have been pleasantly surprised by the response so far. So many women come out of the woodwork and share with me their heartbreaking stories of dealing with guys who can't or won't commit or move the relationship to the next level. Or guys who can't even label the relationship!
Sounds familiar to you? Read on....
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First of all, how do you know if he's really emotionally unavailable or if he's just a little guarded because he's not ready to plunge in both feet or, worse still, he's just emotionally unavailable to you or in other words he's just not that into you?
Second, if he's not ready, will he be ready one day and when he's ready he will pick you as the one? Will you just waste time with such guys? Will you feel used or feel like a temporary filler until something better comes along and then and only then he will dump you?
Third, if he's truly emotionally unavailable, is there a cure to it and should you just accept it or move on to a greener pasture?
My advice is, first of all, don't freak out or give up just because he's not ready. Yet don't pine or over-invest either. There are ways to do it right and safe to your heart. This relationship will in fact heal you from your own unreadiness and/or emotional unavailability that you are not even aware of. This relationship will prepare you for the real deal with the real man who deserves you -either him or someone BETTER! When you are ready, the right man will find and claim you. That has been my experience.
Let's explore each point separately. (But here's a quick pointer on how women turn a Prince Charming into a FROG and that's why he's pulling away)
Is He Really Emotionally Unavailable?
How do you know if a guy is truly into you? Generally speaking, when a man is into a woman, it doesn't take much for her to feel that. He will show efforts, initiate, take you out, love to touch, hug, kiss and make out with you, make you feel special, call/text, compliment you, etc. If you have to ask then it's either he's giving you conflicting messages or he's not. But why would a man give conflicting messages? Here are some of the reasons:
1. He likes you but he's not looking for relationship for whatever reasons and he doesn't want to lead you on so he has to blow hot and cold.
2. He likes you enough to want to explore things with you, yet he's discouraged or scared by your over enthusiasm or (perceived) clinginess so he needs to back off every now and then to dampen your eagerness.
3. He's just playing the field and he's probably in a relationship of some kind with another woman already!
4. He loves the sex and he really doesn't want anything more than a casual relationship in which sex is the center...in other words you are a just f*ckbuddy or a booty call....ouch!
5. He just wants to be friend with benefits with you. He loves and values the friendship and the sex is great but he doesn't have the emotional capacity to make it more serious than that. Or simply, he's just not up for the obligations, expectations and responsibility of a relationship at this very moment.
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Before we go on....check this one out:
Will He Ever Be Ready And Pick Me When He Is?