Most of us women secretly wish for something we’re not getting in bed, and while wishing is important, it doesn’t often get your message through to your man.
If you want to teach a man how to make love to your body and heart, you need to understand two key things to succeed. The first, is how to talk to a man about sex (in the right way), and the second is how to express your feminine vulnerability.
Typically my clients tell me that their attempts to teach their men in bed fail. When I ask how they convey what they want they tell me that they either “have a talk,” wherein they express different things they might like to try (awkwardly), or they give specific instructions -- in bed --as to how they want to be touched or made love to. What typically happens is that their partners hear them and then what they hear seems to mysteriously be “forgotten,” or worse, to become routine.
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While these methods would seem to make good sense for how to teach a man to make love to you, they rarely work! If you step into a man’s shoes for a moment, this will be easier to understand. Imagine being your man. Imagine how intimidating your body is for him, how different and strange from his own, and yet, how much he feels a desire and a responsibility to please you. He knows if he doesn’t please you, it’s not going to play well for the rest of your relationship. He also knows that you have certain expectations that he know how to please you with minimum instruction. And while you might be willing to guide his hand here, or his lips there, the truth is he’s right. You want a finished product. You want a man who can command your body and pleasure with little instruction and with little direction.
So there is a bit of pressure on him. Now add in the fact that he’s got his own body to deal with and wants to make sure that it functions in a way that provides maximum pleasure for you. You get the picture and the setup.
Most sex educators will tell you to simply express what you want to a man – that it’s really all about your being willing to divulge the details of what rings your pleasure bell. Sounds good, right? All you need to do is have that talk or instructional session and all should be good, yeah?
Problem is that as soon as you approach a man, in bed or out, about teaching him to be a lover for you guess what happens? I know you can imagine. He feels like a failure. Oh, he might put on the happy face and the eager to please attitude, but under that he feels like a failure -- because you have to teach him. Remember, he knows in his heart of hearts you’d rather not have to do this.
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