Are You Afraid Of Ending Up Alone?

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faceless woman holding cat on lap
Why your own anxiety creates a self-fulfilling prophecy and how to reverse it.

A 28-year-old woman sat on my couch today wanting to discuss one thing and one thing only: how could she avoid being alone forever. Christy was newly single and fearing the worst of her future. Her two favorite aunts, both in their 60s, never married.

Her mother was only briefly married to her father, divorcing before Christy's second birthday. She was surrounded by smart, beautiful, educated women who had never found true love and it scared her to death to think she would follow in their footsteps.

 

This is probably the biggest fear most single women have today. Ironically, it is the fear itself that ends up keeping them from finding a good partner and having a healthy relationship. Living in a state of fear, no matter where it stems from or what form it takes (paranoia, anxiety or anger to name a few) radiates an extremely stressful and tense persona. When your daily thoughts are consumed by fear, ask yourself the question, how could a man fall in love with me in this condition?

Lots of men want to find love, settle down and start a family. Most men prefer this path but they want to find a partner who is happy, loving and confident ... and being fearful all the time does not allow you to be any of those things.

Perhaps you are waiting for the relationship to come so you will stop being fearful and start being happy, loving and confident. However, this is not a chicken and egg scenario. The relationship cannot come first. Content from within must happen first. Only then will you be in a place that is able to attract another person and truly fall in love.

So, how do you stop the fear?

1. Fight fear with presence. To quote my favorite author, Eckhart Tolle, "Psychological fear is divorced from any real danger. When you are in a state of fear, [your body] is here and now but your mind is in the future. You can always cope with the present moment but you can never cope with a mind projection of what may occur — you cannot cope with the future." Keep reading ...

More single advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
 
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