1. Get her attention, but be subtle.
Once, I was in Denny’s with my homework, waiting to be seated, wearing a rhinestone Superman baseball cap. This guy came up to me and complimented my hat. This is the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with.
He got my attention, and then we continued our conversation after I sat down with my homework. We flirted and talked. And since he knew I spent a lot of time studying at Denny’s because my roommates were awful and I couldn’t get anything done, he showed up again the next day to keep me company.
My point in telling you this is to let you know how simple it is to get a girl’s attention, and how much easier it is than you’d expect. He didn’t pick me up at a bar or a club. He got my attention at Denny’s. I had a boyfriend and I shouldn’t have given him my attention, but I did anyway. I was looking for something else when he approached me. That’s why I was receptive to him. But whether I’d been single or attached, he would have had my attention because he noticed something unique about me.
2. Learn from women.
Getting a woman’s attention without being desperate is so much easier than you’d think. It’s simple: Engage, back off and cut your losses. This is a secret most women know. We have an ace in the hole when it comes to engaging with a man: the ability to engage, back off and cut our losses when we approach guys or are approached by guys.
A woman who approaches a guy (or is approached by a guy) engages, and then if he ditches her, she backs off, cuts her losses and moves on. A woman will not be seen trying to get the same guy’s attention all night, but a man who sets his sights on a woman will. This is where you have a miraculous breakthrough. She’ll see you as persistent and interesting–or, more likely, desperate. Then any shred of interest she had in you will be instantly demolished.
Women don’t do this. Women get clingy. If she hooks onto a man, she will almost never let go. This is our liability. Some of us have learned to overcome this liability, which really comes out in relationships. When it comes to the casual encounter, women know how to rule the scene. In the bars, the clubs, in any flirtatious encounter, we know that if we engage a guy and he doesn’t respond, we can cut our losses and move on to the next flirtation. If we engage a guy and he responds but then plays it cool, we back off until he moves back in. If he doesn’t, no big deal.
When it comes to the going-out scene and the casual flirtation scene, women are the stars of the show. We thrive in this environment. Most women are in their zone here. So, if you want to engage a woman without being desperate, you’ve got to learn to back off and cut your losses.
3. Watch the signs.
A woman will show you in less than five minutes whether you: a) don’t have a chance in hell, b) have potential or c) are a catch.
a. If you don’t have a chance in hell, she may be polite to you because she doesn’t know how to be rude, but don’t mistake politeness for interest. I am normally one of these women. I won’t be rude to you, but I will not flirt with you.
More from YourTango: Top 10 Reasons Women Do Not Cheat On The Men Of Their Dreams