How To Get Him Back

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How To Get Him Back
You messed up. He broke it off. Here are the essential steps to woo your man after a break up.

Celebrities, like Rihanna and Chris Brown, have managed the now-on, now-off relationships just brilliantly.  Instead of investing time and effort in their healing, they bounce in and out of storms without any regard for their own well-being or that of the other person.  The only difference between them and the rest of us is the papparazzi.  If Rihanna, or you, want to get him back for good, you will have to do more than crying and begging. 

1. Come clean

 

The most difficult step in healing a broken relationship is admitting with all sincerity that you messed up.  To get him back, you will have to be brutally honest about what you did that contributed to the break-up.  This is not the time to point out the ways in which he also made you angry, and the day that he left you waiting at your friend's house, or the night he went out with his friends and got drunk.  This is not a real apology - this is you trying to minimize your blunder by reminding him of his.  

A sincere apology requires that you own your piece and not point fingers.  If you say anything that makes it sound like he is overreacting, you won't get him back.  Phrases like "You should forgive me", "You overreacted", "You did the same thing", "I am sorry you found out", "You can't leave me now" will surely leave you single in heartbeat.  Other phrases, such as "I am sorry you feel that way" or "I am sorry you are hurting" sound like an apology at first glance, but they are not true forms of repentance.  Instead, own your actions by saying things like "I hurt you and I am sorry", or "What I did hurt your feelings, and I am sorry about that".

During a subsequent conversation, when appropriate, you will be free to bring up other issues that he can work on, assuming that he is interested in restoring the relationship

2. Accept that the relationship might be beyond repair

Guilt and shame are extremely powerful emotions, and we tend to demand second chances, just so we can make up for what we did.  

True forgiveness, however, does not require reconciliation.  Forgiveness is accepting that the past cannot be changed, and freeing the "guilty" party from the responsibility of full restitution.  In other words, you cannot change the past.  There is not enough apologizing you can ever do to change what has been done.  Your ex might truly forgive you, yet be at a point where reconciliation is simply not possible.

Cramming yourself down his throat, showing up randomly at the places he frequents, sending creepy "I love you" notes will make him feel disrespected, not wanted.  There is nothing more undesirable than a person who will not respect boundaries.

Apologizing for a mistake does not entitle you to anything.  Entitlement is the opposite of an apology!  If he does not want to or is not ready to see you right now, respect his honesty, and let it be.  You can let him know that you are still interested and will be wiling to talk when he is ready.  You cannot, however, demand that he forgive you, expect things to go back to normal right away (or ever), require that he hear what you have to say (over and over again), or ask him to forget what has happened.  Instead, maintain your distance, respect his need to be away from you for now, and learn to grieve gracefully.  

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