Social researchers have told us that death of a spouse and divorce are two of the most stressful life events humans can endure. In fact, if you are the person being left, divorce can feel just like a death. Knowing how to best mourn the loss is essential. Here are nine steps to ease the pain of divorce.
1. Don't censor your feelings. Divorce is felt as an emotional loss and that loss has to be fully experienced. Feeling hopeless, afraid and vulnerable are common. As well as feelings of anger, rage and self-loathing. You might feel sure that you will not be able to survive what is about to happen. These are familiar reactions to the trauma of divorce. You must experience your feelings fully. They will run their course if you don't push them down inside you. 5 Kinds Of Trust Every Marriage Needs
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Remember, feeling these emotions is not the same as acting on them. It is a good idea to write down angry feelings in a letter and then put it safely away in a desk draw. Acting out angry feelings in destructive ways is never acceptable and only brings more pain into your life.
2. See your doctor. You may need a mild tranquilizer to get you through the immediate pain, so you can continue to meet family and work responsibilities. The strong feelings you will be experiencing are draining emotionally and physically. Do not allow your health to suffer at a time when you need to be thinking clearly. Temporary medication can help you sleep restfully, rather than tossing, turning and waking up exhausted.
3. Be careful not to idealize your marriage. Divorce is a stark indication that your marriage had serious problems. Watch your tendency to look back and only see the best times and only remember the good things about your former spouse. Force yourself to be more objective. Make a list of the ways your marriage and your partner hurt and disappointed you.
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4. Welcome the support of friends and family. Life traumas are made more tolerable by the warmth and encouragement of those who truly care about you. Do not shut them out because you are feeling self-consciously bereft. Love is the best medicine. Seek out people you can count on to ease your pain, even if the relief is temporary. 12 Signs Your Husband Is Happily Married
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