Congratulations! You have taken the first step toward choosing to have an entirely different relationship with your mother. That's very exciting — and admirable ... especially after all these years of feeling that you were powerless to change your feelings, and that she may have been the one at fault. Now let's take the next step so that this Mother's Day is different — and you are left feeling satisfied at having achieved your own freedom from your reactions. That would be a remarkable achievement indeed! 10 Ways To Live The Profound Truths Of Our Lives
Mother's Day, like Christmas and other family times together, can be a period of enormous stress and apprehension before, during and after the event. I suggest that you make the choice based on a powerful new perspective, which will give you a profound sense of peace, ease, and even love. How good would that be? How freeing would that be for you? Would there be anything to lose?
There is so much history with our mothers which can produce such an ingrained and automatic response that it's hard to imagine that we can absolutely choose an entirely different one right now. So, what would it take for you to see what your mother says as an opportunity to discover a part of yourself that is completely immune to the old trigger points?
In my first article I described that we can easily learn to "get out of the box," and from that perspective, we can choose to view life and any situation we are in from a perspective that immediately sets us free. This works equally well with our mothers — truly.
From this perspective, being with them could be a very satisfying experience because we could simply choose, if we wanted to, to be more open to a new possibility for our relationship. That could be our new focus — not to avoid pain, but to experience connection, appreciation, and care. Don't Believe Everything You Think!
Step 1: Release your history. Often, in our relationships with our mothers, we are so focused on the past and on what has happened, (or what we expect will happen in the future) that there is little room for anything new. We keep our hearts in a protective mode and somewhat closed so that we don't risk getting hurt again. We are just unwilling to give more fully of ourselves.
That voice in our head likes to view life from the past, where it knows what to expect. In the past, there is certainty about who we are and who we have been. But what about being open to creating something brand new? Why not begin to see what happened in the past as something you can choose to be free of right now? How To Get Along With His Mom
Maybe the new context for the two of you can be one of love, not of fear, anger or hurt. How would that be? Is there anything to lose from that perspective? How freeing would that be for both of you? What kind of relationship would you then want to create? How would you begin to do that? How much better would that feel?
Step 2: Choose peace. We often live with a sense of being powerless or being victims of others — including our mothers — as if we didn't have a choice about how to feel or respond to what they say, or how they treat us. (Mothers certainly do have a special ability to trigger powerful automatic reactions.)
From the out of the box perspective which I describe in my book, Out of the Box for Life (HarperCollins), we would not choose to be hurt, frustrated or invalidated by anything that she said. We would not give up what we know about ourselves just because she may see things differently. Beyond Orgasm—Creating True Intimacy, Sexuality & Love
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